Life Would Be More Fun, If We All Had BoxesTo Play In

I received my online order today, a few days earlier which I am grateful for, and the cats are just loving it! The box, not the content. I'm sure if they could use DVDs and dehydrated mashed potatoes, they would love those too!

I went and did my grocery stopping today. I rather buy organic red potatoes but it's just too much money for me. Plus I have to eat them NOW! or they go to waste after a week. So I found these packets of potatoes at my health food store... so worth it! I wish they were organic and red potatoes but beggars cannot be choosers sometimes.

I need to back up my files on my system. I broke down and spent some money on DVD media. Now I can get organized, well, digitally anyway. 

When I returned from the store I could not find one of my eight month old kittens... I even called a friend for advice because I tried everything: calling her, handing out treats, banging the food can... nothing! I waited two hours for her to show her furry buttsky! 

I nearly had a nervous breakdown. These are inside cats. They are not hunters. 

Don't get me wrong, they do hunt in the house: bugs, the bath tub stopper, my drinking straws, my activated charcoal mask, and my plastic stirring sticks. They do a lot of hunting while I am asleep. 

But it's not food. 

I on the other hand am a successful hunter. I hunt my food where it is: the grocery store. And, I am good at it!

I did all right at the store with my mask on. A cute little boy whispered to his grandmother why was I wearing the mask. So cute. I took the mask off and showed it to him. I told him it was all right to ask. I explained that my lungs cannot be around smoke or perfume or cologne so the mask keeps me from having asthma attacks. He looked to be around 5 to 7 years old. I hope he was okay with that. 

Then I got into a cab that the driver just ate a peanut granola bar. The smell about suffocated me. My asthma kicked into high gear and my throat started closing in. Not a fun experience trying to get home.  i toughed it out and drank my vitamin c packets on the way home but it was a close one. 

If you work in the public, don't eat peanut butter when you are going to be in direct contact afterward, it would save at least ten percent of the population from anaphylaxis.

Actually, I believe one of my old friends will not come to see me because she lives on peanut butter. That's fine and all but there's a fungus in peanuts that attacks the liver. I know it's cheap but is it worth your health in the long run? Almond butter is so much better for you. 

Plus it doesn't set my immune system off. 

I think the B Complex 50 is helping in that arena. I didn't totally have a panic attack in the cab. I had a partial one and my reaction was more subdued than usual. That is a good thing.

I was never allergic to peanut butter before I got sick. I told my mother never to bring into the house especially after the black mold exposure because of the fungus in peanuts issue. I would wonder why my face and neck would swell up inside, my breathing would become dangerously tight, and my body would just collapse in on itself... until one day I caught my mother eating peanut butter in the house. I told her no more. So she did it again and again, and again. Now, my body equates the fungus in peanut butter with black mold exposure. Thanks! 

 I have to be so careful now. I cannot eat out in restaurants even in an emergency. I have to stay away from any place that uses peanut oil. It's just a mess. 

What a wonderful way to support your daughter and thank her for buying a house and keeping you off the streets. Such a gem. 

Okay enough drudging up the past for today. I have my mashed potatoes, my kitties, and my television show coming up here in a moment. I may have black memories of the past that still affect me today, but I can chose to talk about them and then move on. I rather be grateful I have all my babies safe here with me than spend anymore energy on that peanut situtation.

Well at least for today. 

Because you know I'll have to go out in a cab and meet the public soon enough and brave the dangers of a society that does not see what it is doing to itself or others. 

What a bummer.

I think I too need a box of my own to play in. 

Can't Lose What You Never Had

So I've lost my mind. This admission should surprise no one who reads my blog. Since the pesticide poisoning and black mold exposure, my mind is not what it used to be.

I always joked: can't lose what you never had... and that's been my mantra.

Until this last month, I began a new multivitamin powder and now a B Complex 50 with methyl B-12. My mind began clicking on. I started to remember things.

I remembered the Jestons: Heaven's to Mergatroid! 

It's amazing what a methyl group tied to B-12 can do. I have read that liposomal B-12 is actually better absorbed but one thing at a time. I got to see if this new direction works.

When you used to have a near endemic memory, life is difficult when you cannot remember what you did several hours hence, or control your movement, or maintain a normal body temperature. Life becomes unbearable without the little things going in your favor. 

Now I see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's a night light, but at least there is a light. I thought what I have done was the best I could do and then my body surprises me. I guess I have gotten to the point where my body is open to suggestions. 

That's fine by me. 

Next I want to feed it more amino acids and some glutithone as well as bone meal to save what is left of my poor teeth and bones. I don't want to wake up one day and break a hip.

With energy and nerve regeneration, I can begin to move and exercise. My metabolism will heighten and make me use my food better. Amino acids and antioxidants will detox and strengthen my systems. Then building body back up will not be difficult. 

Although I will always have to be cautious and practice avoidance of chemicals and mold for the rest of my life, well at least now, I'll have a better life. 

And a great mind can accomplish great tasks like rebuilding the body with research and diligence.

For instance, bone takes more than calcium to rebuild itself. Bone needs phosphorous and magnesium for starters with the calcium. Bone meal when regulated for impurities does the job well.

Exercise is vital to rebuilding bones. Jumping jacks, walking, five pound weights are great ways to stimulate bone growth. I see them in my future! 

Since I have been ill, exercising helped at first, just walking, but after the black mold exposure, forget about it. My chronic fatigue made it impossible even to this day to do a little exercise. Doing a load of laundry or dishes can lay me up in bed for the rest of the day.

Lazy is not me. So if I am lethargic after a chore, it's the illness not the person. 

People have got to realize that change. A viable, vibrant person stops, or slows down to a crawl, there's something going on inside the body. Eventually the halt will damage the emotions and the mind, a person who is sick doesn't need that pointed out. That person needs medical help and emotional support.

I wish my family had realized their actions caused my secondary collapse and tried to correct their error instead of condemning me to a life of solitude and supplements. 

So if you see someone struggling with low energy, get them to a naturopath or homeopath. That person needs to detox and get nutrition. It's not an overnight fix but in the long run, your friend or relative will feel better knowing you aren't judging them; you are supporting them in their darkest hour like you should.

Have a great and wonderful weekend!

Roller Coaster Rides of Depression and Healing

Up and down. High and low. Welcome to the wonderful world of the detox process. 

I began a new vitamin, mineral, and amino acid powder a while back. I went on a high where I felt alive and well. Now I'm in the detox stage. 

Energy has given way to lethargy. Happiness has faded into depression. And bad dreams and thoughts have worsened.

I am hoping I get over the tough road soon. 

I did get some B complex vitamins ordered. I only hope they help with my energy level. If I have to be fatigued, then let it be most of the day, not all of it. I have stuff to do and I would like to have my chores done instead of thinking about doing them. 

Depression and chronic fatigue together are a mighty assault on my will. 

I do have a formidable will too. After the repeated abuse and poisonings, I wouldn't be hear if there wasn't a reason. If I wasn't so damn onry. If I didn't have a will.

Nothing in life has ever come easy to me. I have worked very hard to get everything I have. Sometimes I wish I could have a respite from the madness of the world, but that just leads to complacency. 

If I am anything, it surely is not complacent.

I am always searching, researching what life is all about. What the universe really is. Why I am here?

Everyone has these questions, but most others are satisfied with religious systems that are there to confine their souls to man made dogma, not to inspire imagination or creativity. 

I want to be inspired. I want to be free. I want to soar!

Isn't there something you want to do?

Maybe it's time to break the chains of society,find what inspires you, and ride a roller coaster of your own making with your destiny in mind.  Trying is not failing, failing to try is. 

Have a great ride!

When You Wish and Hope

I had a fantastic evening last night stargazing. 

I even saw a shooting star. What made the experience that much more special is when I looked online and discovered the remnants of Comet Ison could have made the meteorite particles 

I'm going to go out again and see if another shooting star crosses my path. I have wishes to make. I wish I could get well. I wish I could help others like I used to do. I wish I could be a lecturer and exhibiting artist again. I wish... I wish.. I wish.

It seems like when I lay in bed on lethargic days like this one looking up at the ceiling that I do a lot of wishing. I wish people would know what pesticides do and stop using them. I wish others would try to understand how living in a bubble is not fun. How I wish I knew the right words to convince people not to be so callous.

But that is what shooting stars are for: hope. I hope that one day others will see the damage poisons do and no longer accept them as part of society. 

Wishes and hopes... those ideas are better than anger and bitterness. 

I lived there once. Never again. No one is going to interfere with my dreams. 

When's the last time you wished upon a star? Come out and enjoy the night with me...

Outgrowing the need for love? It's exhausting

That vitamin powder must be working, I vacuumed and swept today while I had a load of towels and dishes going in the other rooms. I like days like today. Once and a while, chronic fatigue takes a sick day and I am able to be a normal person for a few hours. 

Then, of course, I end up in bed for a few days recovering from the sudden burst of energy. Even the positive days become damned if you do or damned if you don't, but that's what happens with chronic illness.

I have a new cat outside and here I am trying to adopt out some eight month old, spayed and neutered kittens. Lovely bunch, but too much for me to handle any more, physically and financially. Sometimes I think the universe likes to play sick jokes on people in an vain attempt at cosmic humor. Dude, I'm not laughing... I have plenty of cats already. Stop it.

This is supposed be an old folks home, not Cattery 101. 

I guess the universe knew I needed some love and a family of my own. I love them all very dearly. Unfortunately there comes a time when the babies must leave the nest. I'm afraid mine have all outgrown my place and need somewhere of their own. 

Like all caretakers, if you love them, you must set them free. I'll have to begin the depressing process of finding homes for my little creatures. Then I will have empty nest syndrome after the house goes quiet.

I'll mope. I'll cry. I'll wonder why I am unloved and alone...

Then the universe will send me a new batch and you know I cannot say "no" to baby kitties.

What am I ever going to do with myself? 

Have a great and wonderful evening!    

No Country for Old Women

So I had a crappy morning. Terrible nightmares will make anyone a little grumpy, but I soon found someone the universe sent to me as recompense: an old cat.

S/he has now decided that s/he too is going to live in my garage with the other kitties. Everything is fine until food time then this new cat growls while s/he eats. Poor kitty. 

I shush the kitty so my others will eat. All except for Irene, my cats have not been aggressive with their meals as they know I hand out equally from the can. Irene has since become quiet when she eats. 

However I went inside and got a second can to feed everyone and give some more to this new dark gray and black with long hair cat. S/he looks old. S/he should be in a home with an old woman watching television with s/he on her lap.

I'll wait awhile before attempting a stroke to see if the new cat is skin and bones or not. S/he sppears rather healthy albeit beat up and scared.

I guess that's how it is in the world these days. It's not a place for old women especially if you are a homeless cat. 

The universe decided I should shrug off the evil of my former life because it's really not my burden to carry and showed me that I am needed even just to give that TLC I am so famous for to the underprivileged felines of the neighborhood.

Have a great and wonderful evening!

Family, Friends, and Other Fantasy Creatures

Have you ever wanted to be someone else?

I find that I have those thoughts occur more often these days. Since I live virtually in a bubble for my own health and protection, I like to fantasize about going to the movies, theater, or anywhere... that isn't here.

Could you imagine living without much or any human contact? I have some friends who call but it isn't the same as sitting down and talking with someone over tea and crumpets. Okay, so I don't have tea or even any funny shaped finger sandwiches, but you get the point. 

I often dream of having people who weren't scared to be my friends. Who would help when I needed it without strings attached or complaint. Who wanted to be around me without chemicals or poisons on their person. 

But who am I kidding?

If my own family would not make the sacrifices I have to now on a daily basis, thanks in part to their unthinking and unfeeling actions about a leaky kitchen faucet that created the black mold that almost killed me (after an irresponsible employer and illegal pesticides and fungus/mold in the buildings/air ducts that nearly killed me approximately eighteen months earlier), why would anyone else on this planet make any concessions to be my cell mate? Even for an hour?

It is a sad and terrible realization to know that you are in it for the long haul... and in it alone.

I'm glad that I was made an introvert. I can stand lengths of time in silence, but I am still a human girl. I like to imagine me in ball gowns, party dresses, curled hair, perfect make up, and high heeled shoes. 

That is just a fantasy of what could have been. 

If only people would stop and think about how their actions or even inactions could affect other people. I guess that is another fantasy of mine: people who take responsibility.

I was erroneously under the impression that if you do wrong to someone you make it up to that person better than how you harmed them. Another fantasy...

And, that family or friends would take a minute to walk in my shoes before they ignore what they have done to me and still feel they are allowed to call me names.

After all I did to keep the family together... why would you treat me this way? Make me sick? Threaten me? Isolate me? Refuse medical treatment for me? Steal from me? Hit me? Bully me? Yell and scream at me? Refuse me basic care? Then abandon me for dead when you illicit the negative reaction you wanted after years of this torture to justify your getaway? Give me a break.

Even though I was very sick and fragile during the neglect, abuse, and torture, the brain has a way of saving it for later. So I remember what happened to me. All of it.

The night terrors continue... like the one that woke me with a blood curdling scream this morning.

I maybe alone, but I rather entertain what could have been then to see or hear from family or friends ever again who don't know the value of a person.

Information is Nice, If It Doesn't Rot Your Brain

Information is a curse. It's like truth. First you seek it and then it pisses you off. 

I was reading about how this guy went mountain climbing and now the glacier had receded and soon it would be gone... Dude, that's what glaciers do. Take a geology course or two.  Then you will understand why I hate the lies of Global Warming/Climate Change.

Once you learn the truth about how these fake so-called human caused disasters are being used to social engineering people's behavior and fund United Nations initiatives like Common Core and Sustainability, you cannot unlearn the information. 

You just sit and stew. 

So I wrote the guy's editor. I doubt if the information will get anywhere. I swear, people do not go out and do their own research. They believe whatever dunce head is on television. Or in his case, whomever he talked to in the pseudo science lab department of the local nuttery.

That is why I am glad I got rid of cable. For one, I couldn't afford it any longer. Two, I have more time to do things I want to do... like take naps, play with the kitties, and write letters to the editor, apparently. 

OMFG, I really did come unglued, but I remained professional in my correspondence, well, to the best of my ability anyway.

Some people's children! 

Speaking of other people's kids, the kitties are all asleep. I too am ready for bed. All my energy got expended pissed off and writing that online magazine.

I better rest up. I have a busy day doing dishes and laundry tomorrow... and some outdoor stuff while it is warm in the afternoon. 

Nighty night, fellow thought criminals! ;)

TGIF or Whatever the Flipping Day It Is

Since becoming ill, days seems to run together. I have to constantly check a clock and/or calendar just to keep up.

Time distortion has become a routine occurrence for me. It's like an alien abduction but without all the experience to make a best selling novel. I have missed minutes, hours, and my favorite: days. WTF? 

Brain inflammation, what a wonderful way to spend the last remnants of my life.

I usually watch a television show a night to keep me on target. When shows go on hiatus for movie events, specials, or holidays, I get screwed up. With nothing on Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays, I have to find new and inventive ways to tell time. 

Sometimes losing time is a blessing in disguise. 

When I feel or believe I have more time than I have, I can enjoy myself more in the moment. I can get lost in a painting or movie or ebook or poetry. Lost is sometimes the greatest direction in your life.

Even though I have time to be lost, it does not mean my time as a wanderer is less meaningful, it just means I know the value of time. 

Value is different than price. My illness is a price. Value is how I chose to live it.

Have a great Friday!!!

Why Does Society Smell like Whores?

Could someone please tell me why you all must spray items, and yourselves, down with smelly, horrible poisons?

I'm dying out here.

Since my liver cannot filter and breakdown chemicals properly, perfumed products cause substantial breathing problems. I'm still tight in the chest from an incident that took place an hour ago.

If you value your health, loved ones, or life, then stop trying to smell like a whore house. 

I gave up commercial cleaners, laundry soap, softeners, perfumes, body sprays... all long time ago. Now when I go out into public, I find that most people smell disgusting from all the crap they wear in their clothes, hair, and personage. 

For real, you guys smell terrible.

If I need to make something smell better, I use water and vinegar in a squirt bottle. I use vinegar in my rinse cycle for clothes and dishes. I save so much money using vinegar that I think all of you are crazy not to be using it!

I also use Free and Clear 7th Generation laundry soap and Free and Clear Method dishwashing tabs too. For deodorant, I use my chlorophyll for internal odor control (which helps externally) and pascalite bentonite clay for the outside (to keep my dry). I'm pretty much smell free and poison free.

So the next time you go to the store and reach for those commercial detergents, just remember those manufacturers aren't going to pay for your inflammatory induced diseases or your time off work because your immune system does not function properly in a few years.

Take it from me: the Woman who lives in a Bubble, it's not fun or glamorous to be this ill. 

Now to wash my new-ish curtains over and over again until I can stand to be in the same room with them... eewww!!!   

OMG, The Sky is Falling... NOT!

Today was kind of sluggish. The blue sky turned lined and hazy thanks to the chemtrails. So sad. My city is maligned with poisons and no one does anything to stop it.

All the dew is gone from my grass and plants. That is how I know our atmosphere is being messed with, the natural order is out of order. I wish someone would halt this brainless activity.

When the lines of chemicals start penetrating the lower levels of the atmosphere, all of a sudden, I cannot breathe. So I end up inside watching a beautiful day turn into a planet dimming, engineered nightmare. Thanks, global-warming/climate change liars. You are ruining a perfectly good planet, and my days, over nothing. Idiots!

Before the day was lost, I did clean around the house. So at least I got something accomplished. My cracked and bleeding hands will attest that I did in fact clean.

Ray, my old white cat, was sleeping on the couch covering his nose like his face was cold. He ventured into bed with me. He must be cold. He is resting on my legs where he usually sleeps at the end of the bed on a pillow or cover.

Oh, Ray just left me. Obviously some pertinent kitty cat business especially since some of the kittens awoke when I placed my dinner dishes in the sink. Then curiosity was peaked and tails emerged from the darkness... the land sharks moved around the living room as if their prey was not alerted to their presence.

Sounds like a book in the making to me! 

If only I would keep from falling asleep during prime time hours on the television. Granted most of my shows are on hiatus, but beginning next week, my shows are new again. I guess I should try nap time a few hours earlier so I can stay up to watch my shows.

Then I can start finding a few hours to start writing fiction again. 

Well once my medical condition allows for better brain concentration. I still cannot write or think with music or television on, so I have to work in complete silence.  Now that's annoying as all get out. 

So here's to rock'n'roll dreams and hazy nightmares. 

Have a great and wonderful night!

In Search Of: The Great American... Vitamin?

My Emergen-C Multivitamin was discontinued. I have been researching and trying to find a replacement this last month. Boy, has my body been a tyrant!

I cannot focus to meditate as well as I was a few weeks ago, my body has been fighting me about eating, and just the general malaise. Well, I was taking the packets three times a day with my other regular Emergen-C packets so I can function a few hours a day.

I went to the Vitamin Shoppe online where I buy some of my supplements. I discovered a powder multivitamin, mineral, and amino acid complex. At first, my body was: wtf? but now it seems to really like the vitamin, pharmacy tasting powder.

Finally. I mix the powder with some pineapple juice and we're good.

My only wish is that I could find one without Iron in it so I can take it as many times a day as I need it. I'm still researching to find something to compliment my entire regimen of vitamins and supplements.

I want to begin feeling better. I hate being tried and ill. It really is no fun. 

I did get the dishes done today, which is great. I get to eat dinner tonight on a plate! That is always helpful. I haven't decided what is for dinner so I guess I better go look in the freezer and pantry isles of my house. 

Then it's time for bed. The vitamins have made me spunk up and then crash right afterward. I hope the spunk takes on a life of its own so I can be more active during the day. 

I can't write that Great American Novel if I'm asleep in bed. 

 

Living the Vida Kitty

I never thought in all my life that I would be sleeping as much as my cats. 

I have so much to do and not enough money to do it... or any energy even if I was flush.

There is a virus going around that knocks you down, then a bacteria gets into your chest, and then the virus comes back to finish you off. That is literal. I have heard of others dying of this so-called flu, but I don't think it's the regular flu.

I know I have it. I have mucous  in my throat and chest; post nasal drip, chills, over sleeping... the works!

The illness began back in December, I fought it back with vitamin C packets and raw organic garlic but it came back this month. Well, I went out grocery shopping and that will get you every time! 

So I'm back on the vitamin C and garlic.

I' beat a similar infection/virus last year. It's just that if you don't take care of yourself and increase your supplements, and garlic, you can put yourself at undue risk.

This afternoon, I fell asleep listening to an online newscast I like to watch every week. I got onto myself, then I realized: if you are falling asleep for little reason then you are probably a lot sicker than you think you are.

For this weekend then I am going to live the Vida Kitty. I'll go get warm in the sun in the afternoons but for the rest of the time: it's bed rest, liquids, online television shows, supplements and garlic as far as the eye can see. 

I hope by next week this chapter of fuzzy mittens and luluabies is over. I have bulk trash to get out by the curb and I can't annoy the neighbors with a trash heap if I'm coughing up a lung.

Stay safe and be well!

Baked Chicken and Brown Rice

Is there anything better than chicken and rice swimming in chicken broth, butter, salt and pepper?

I don't think so. I bake a chicken a couple times a month like I do a roast. Meatloaf, I don't have to get my hands dirty. I discovered my local health food grocery store makes a meatloaf that is so good that it does not last a day in this house.

I buy the meatloaf raw and bake it when I get home. Lord, have mercy! With mash potatoes and some vegetables, I am in heaven!

So baked chicken, roast, meatloaf... omg, now you've made me hungry again! 

Even though I cannot eat at restaurants, I have discovered that I can bring home some already prepared meals. PF Chang's has spring rolls and sweet and sour chicken when I need a Chinese food fix. When this brand is on sale, watch out! I will mow you down for it!

I hope you realize I am kidding about the mowing down of people. ;) 

I also can have a Starbucks when necessary, but not too often because it has too much sugar in it, and Papa John's pizza. 

Sometimes when the immune system behaves, I can be a normal person. Well except for my keyboard's missing "p". I have to copy and paste the letter over and over again. Thank you, kitties for dumping my keyboard on the floor. 

One day I will find that letter "p". 

I only hope it is not with vacuum sweeper. 

Have a great and wonderful night! 

Celebrations with Libations

It's New Year's Eve 2013! I cannot believe it.

No, really, I cannot believe I am alive. Abandoned and left for dead by my family nearly three years ago, I am astonished I have made it this far. 

As a survivor, I understand how I could. I am strong. I am independent (within reason). I am happy!

Every New Year, I feel like I have graduated into the next level of existence. It doesn't matter if I am rich or poor. It only matters that I am alive and (somewhat) able. 

I have my little fur family and we are happy. 

Happy is the key word. Without happiness, I would become a bitter, enraged old woman. Why let negative people win?

Some people will always be small minded, immature jerks. With what little time I have left, I don't want to waste a second on someone(s) like that. 

Would you?

So when making your New Year's Resolutions this night make sure to list items and goals that will make you happy. In the end, it's not about anyone else. It is about you.

My advice: be happy. 

Like John Lennon said: When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.

Thank you for your patronage! See you next year ;)

Migraines and Karma are Bitches

There is one thing in life that I despise more than peas and lima beans... any guesses? It's migraines. 

I had a nice one yesterday morning, which carried over into this afternoon. Usually one of my migraines is about detoxing or weather patterns. So I'm guessing a detox reaction. 

Great. Swell. Better out than in!

The cats didn't care until this morning when I did not get out of bed and open up the curtains for their viewing pleasure. So I got played on, meowed at, and otherwise terrorized by the furry inhabitants of my home. 

But I have a cure for incessant negative behaviors and that is the squirt bottle full of water. Don't tell Jackson Galaxy! When you can't hardly move and you need some peace and quiet... the squirt bottle is the best option.

People tend to frown upon murder and it almost came to that this morning. My migraines are so painful that they not only raise my body temperature, they inflame my senses: so I cannot stand light or sound.

That's okay, my vision is so blurry I cannot get around well anyway. That means: no television, no reading, no nothing. 

And sound? Everything feels like a drum on my body. Even the slightest touch can feel like a heavy brick chaffing my skin and bruising my muscles.

What a nice gift mercury and black mold gives to the body. Since I cannot take any pain medications, I'm totally allergic to most OTC and Rx drugs, I have to lay quietly and still with ice all over my head, neck and sometimes shoulders and back. My muscles tense up so badly in my legs that I can get charlie horses and other cramps while I am trying to get past the migraine.

I even have melted ice so fast that I have had to change out water for cubes almost hourly. 

Thank you to everyone who poisoned me. What a joy it is to be in that much pain several times a month. You should try blinding pain sometime. It really is great.

Do they care? Hell no.

That's the great thing about karma. Once you've done something so offensive, it's kind of difficult to relieve yourself of galactic payback. So they might not receive migraines. It might be a car crash injury or cancer. Always the balance must be restored on the cosmic scale. 

Even when you think karma is finished with you, here she comes again!

My illness and maybe even karma was not because of some offense, but because I believed that people would do right by me as I had done with them. Silly me. What was I thinking?

So I lay here hoping the pain in my temple is not another migraine coming on. 

I think back to the way I picked up nails in my boss's parking space on a near daily basis, warned people when the cleaning crew used a dirty chemical rag to wash out their coffee pot, helped people out when I did not have to, and took in my family when they had nowhere else to go.

And I think how stupid I was to believe that when you do right, right is returned to you. 

It seems the only constant in life is karma and am I forever paying for my good deeds.

Isn't that a bummer?

Clutter, Minimalism, and Harmony: Guess What's Hitting the Trash?

You don't know how much crap you have until you go through it. 

I have been on a tear, which for me is nowhere near light speed, for a while now to clean, organize, and harmonize. Once I began meditating and clearing out the old mindset, I have just trashed things I didn't want, weren't mine, and shouldn't have. All gone.

Trash day is Friday in my neighborhood and sometimes I wonder if my bin can be lifted by the city vehicles! Yet, each time they are with ease. I pack so much clutter in there that the lid isn't perfectly sealed down.

I am in a phase of my life where I don't want the things that I own to own me. Minimalistic, symmetrical, and harmonious. If I do not have a place for it, I will stash it in my china closet or somewhere else safe for a while. If I am unable to find a home in the grand scheme of my decor, then off to the thrift shop it goes! 

January is another bulk trash month. I have some things in the back yard that are going to see the curb. Good-bye!

I don't want to deal with clutter. I don't have to. That is the best part: I do not have to! 

I want to walk into any room in my house and know that everything has its place and everything is in its place. 

It's a great way to view life. I did the collecting and the pretties. It never satisfied me the way an easy flow decor does because the energy doesn't weigh me down.

I still have years to go to perfect my little world, but that's the funnest part: shopping! Online (mostly) or in person, I can decide what will work and what doesn't. I decide my pace and budget!

Well, I've done enough writing for one evening. I listened to lectures online again today. I have to relearn everything I used to know and then it still doesn't remain in my synapses. That's the thing about chronic illness: you can't count on anything. 

Yet, I had a good day. I slept in. I ate. I played and petted my kitties. I organized. I dusted. I listened to music on the radio. 

Tomorrow, I probably will have to recuperate from my "good" day. Okay, the rest of the week too. OMG, I used to go 18 hours a day. Now I sleep it and still find time for a two hour nap!

I hope everyone has a great night and rest of the weekend! 

Proof, Placebo, and the Earth Effect

My brain is fried. I did too much watching of scientific research videos online. Oopsy!

From quantum physics to comparative mythology to Earthing, I have done it all and boy, am I tired. I didn't realize all these disciplines had opened up and now are talking to each other. I wish there had been more cross collaboration when I was in college.

Well, I did take a lot of classes. I felt that I had broached nearly every subject that was offered until I had to specialize. I remember taking a year off community college in order to take classes I didn't need for my associate degrees before I moved onto my bachelor's degree. 

Before I was made ill by my former employer, I was in the middle of attaining three associates and two (at least) certificates. Learning for me is no more difficult than breathing... until my body collapsed under the weight of heavy metal poisoning.

There is nothing fun about gasping to breathe for years.

So when I get excited that I had a good brain day, now you know why. I have spent too many days not having a well functioning brain because of the constant inflammation my body produces because of the toxic overload it possesses. 

One thing I did find information about is Earthing. I like energy work. Grounding oneself metaphysically as well as other energy healing modalities are interesting and produce results for me.

I don't want to be broken anymore. I don't have millions of dollars to get me well again, so I have to do it the slow, old fashion way.

With Earthing, all I have to do is find some grass or earth, stand there in my bare feet, and soak up the energy from the ground and sun. That, I can do. That is easy.

This afternoon I went out and stood in some grass coming up in my decorative river rock. I stood.   One of my outdoor cats came to see what I was doing.  James just lounged around as I felt the Earth under my feet. 

Funny thing was the inflammation I have been experiencing subsided for all the time I was outside and a half hour after I returned inside. I will keep seeing if this procedure works or not. I am a scientist at heart. I want proof, not placebo. 

One thing when I started this journey of self healing is that I wanted to see real results. Results I could pass onto others with MCS/EI/Mold. Knowledge is good. Healing is better. Free is the best, but results are king.

I can't wait for my brain to heal good enough for me to start writing books on my experiences.

Wouldn't success fly in the convention of serious illness? I hope so. I have a lot of people to show that you can hit me, kick me, and beat me down... but I will ALWAYS get back up again...

Don't you feel that way some days too?

Have a great and wonderful night!

Home Alone for the Holidays

That is one thing that upsets me about the holidays. Since I am chronically ill and no one wants to help me out: I am home alone for the holidays.

I have always been ultra responsible. Clean. Non-smoker. No drugs. No alcohol. 

I have taken care of everyone one else including their messes. When the tables were turned, good bye! and good luck! 

Even now I take care of other people's cats in the neighborhood. The man next door trapped and spayed a mother cat and her three babies. Then he stopped caring for them. One was so skinny and sickly, I scrounged up some food to give to her. Another sibling was ill and I had to give her up, my service cat, to the Humane Society to fix up and adopt out. (I so mourn for her everyday.) 

Then there's the man's renter. A drug addict with AIDS who doesn't help me out even when I demanded him to do so. I am left holding the bag and his grey, long-haired Russian Blue calico cat.

Four, 16lb bags of dry cat food, five bags of natural litter, and sixty cans of wet food a month to keep up everyone's cats on the block. Perhaps I should start a donation site and link it here so I can see if anyone can help me before I have to send half away to the Humane Society. I just cannot keep up.

So as I lay here in bed trying to stay warm, I am alone. The cats I do have inside love sleeping on my couches. They are great couches by the way, which I cover with towels. 

When my family left me, they left me with nothing. Literally. I had a bed, desk, computer chair. I believe that was all. They took everything else in the house including the appliances. 

My family was trying to further debase, torture, and punish me for being chronically and devastatingly ill. Part of which was their fault. They made me ill with black mold from a leaky sink. 

After not telling me for two years of the leak, I had to call for a handyman while I was trying to recover from the pesticide poisoning from my former employer... I was not a well woman to be doing anything. So my family left the black mold to grow in the particle board for seven months after I fixed the leak.

By the way, it takes less than an hour to remove the particle board from a sink cupboard... but that was too much to ask of my family.

By then, I was skeletal, allergic to practically everything because my immune system was already collapsed from the mercury poisoning. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

My inheritance was also confiscated by my family as I guess payment of taking care of me when I had taken care of them for over ten years. My bills apparently weren't as important as their bills. 

So I am here. I should probably get out my copy of Home Alone just to cheer me up. Well, that's if I still have it and it too wasn't already confiscated like so many of my other possessions were. 

OMG, how depressing... I must find something good.

I did get furniture eventually when I received my disability. I discovered I didn't have to go into chemical laden stores to shop for furniture. I was so happy! 

I found a furniture store across town that was an outlet of sorts. I got a beautiful two-tone dining table, six chairs, a couch, and sofa for a very reasonable price. Good furniture too. I believe it is called Ashley Signature Furniture. Of course, I paid the close-out prices! I didn't have much to spend. 

I did find another online store with discounted furniture and got a wonderful bedroom set. I never had a bedroom set before. It's the warm dark cherry wood. 

Okay, I turned the bad into good. Wheew! That was a close one. 

So I better go harass my kitties, steal one to watch a movie with me as I cannot wait to sleep to see if Sugar Plums really do dance in our heads!

Have a great and wonderful night! 

P.S... my Home Alone dvd is missing ;(

Happy Yule Tidings

December 21st is the customary day of celebration for Yule. It's supposed to be the shortest day of the year. With the long night, the land lays fallow waiting for the warmth of the spring to come.

Pagans have celebrated this day of death and rebirth for as long as humans have marked the cycles. 

Other religions have taken the holiday and made it their own through political and religious might. So we have holiday after holiday during the winter season. 

I enjoy celebrating today because it feels purer than other days. I am not brainwashed to believe in a birth I know did not happen until March or pressured into being like everyone else. I can be me and celebrate what I chose, when I chose to do it.

Yule for me is about saying good-bye to the old. I have a lot of old to say good-bye to too. This year I have become quite independent as a disabled American. I have my ups and downs, my bad days and my good days. Everyday I am grateful that I can be who I am without ridicule, pressure, or disrespect from others. 

I am very ill. Nothing is really going to change that aspect of my life. There is only so many times your immune system can be collapsed, your liver compromised, your renal system infected, and your digestive system attacked to notice that your nervous system, heart, and lungs do not work as they should any longer.

Even though I am in bed more hours of the day than I am in motion, I still am grateful for every day that I am here. I have a lot to do! I am doing my art and writing my books. 

I am doubly grateful to be the editor and staff writer for my community online newspaper: the Villa de Paz Gazette. I only hope to continue writing great articles that impact the way people perceive reality. 

I am also helping my community fight off a vulture capitalist that wants to destroy our golf course for a housing development. It's nice to be back in the saddle again, even if it's a kid's pony ride. 

Yule like other holidays should bring out the best in you. 

Be happy. Be grateful. Be open. 

The universe is watching and waiting for you to open up to the possibilities that await. So take some time this busy holiday season and make a list. Check it twice. List all the things you are grateful for. 

With joy and gratitude in your heart, nothing is impossible: including a miraculous recovery...