Showing posts with label mold. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mold. Show all posts

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Your Rose Colored Glasses Ain't Helpin' Me

It's funny when you are in need how people react to you. 

Some people act like they want to help by asking you 21 questions and then decide you didn't answer them correctly. How did my disability fail to meet your help requirements? 

Some people act like you are having the time of  your life on disability. Near death experiences on a weekly basis, hallicuinations on a daily basis, and money on a monthly basis is how much fun again? 

Some people accuse you of not being ill... Well, you look fine. I saw you walk to your front door. You just need to take a shower and get some exercise... Yeah, that exercise almost ended me two Sundays ago when I tried to do yard work to save money. Are we supposed to be judging a book by its cover? 

Some people believe you qualify for all sort of government handouts and assistance. No, actually I do not qualify for any resources I have paid into over the years. No food stamps. No long term care. No home assistance. No medical (my doctor told me to see a naturopath; those doctors are not covered by Medicare). No lawn help. No grocery assistance. No churches help. No meals on wheels or other help because of my food and chemical allergies; once i enumerate them, I get hung up on. No driving assistance because I cannot be around smokers or fragrances; the religious organization wanted a letter from my doctor to verify my illness.

There comes a time when a person just gets fed up being called a liar. 

I went on a Facebook group that is supposed to help people, but you have to have a working phone with a camera and cell service. I haven't had cell service in quite awhile because I have been too sick to travel. In order to get help with food, I had to take a picture of my refrigerator with a note I would write with the date. Say what? So all those photos I see are staged? There is no way in hell that is proof of anything but that you have an expensive cellular phone and service.  

My digital cameras sit unused because I haven't been able to afford batteries. My flashlight is not doing so well either. I don't trust it to go into a dark room anymore. I have one working light bulb on a stick lamp I put around the back of the house to see at night. 

So if I borrowed a camera, then I will be accused of having enough money for a fancy phone and service like I was on the Kettle Fire Bone Broth post a few months back when I asked them for some coupons and any programs they might have for disabled people like me. I was reamed by this woman (not associated with the company). 

I have also been accused of being "entitled" to the social programs I have paid for over the years on Twitter. Somehow I do not deserve somneone's time and effort. What has happened to our world? America has turned into the rose colored glasses squad of infinite denial. 

If you complain that the reality you live is different from the one people associate with, you are ungrateful, entitled, bitter, and have "attitude." For telling the truth of my situation? Wowzers. 

I was also told that because I live in Arizona, I qualify for food stamps like it is automatic for a housebound person such as myself. That is so untrue. I was informed by the same Facebook group that $100 was too high for me to receive any grocery help for the month. Food stamps for one adult in Arizona is $200 a month. So I was expected to live off less than $15 a week for some fantasy. 

I had already said to delete my post once I was told there were no resources for me there, yet some of the membership kept goading me to turn in a fake picture. I cried and sobbed most of the night and this morning over how people are so disconnected from reality that they refused to hear what I was telling them: I and my friends have tried to get me services; I am refused because I cannot travel,  talk on the phone, or win phone lotteries (for utility help). 

Take off the glasses... these programs are for able bodied people! Disabled people can only qualify if they cater to the able bodied programs' requirements. Isn't that a form of discrimination? Doesn't the ADA require companies to give a reasonable accommodation? Only if you have a good lawyer.

I also heard: nothing you said has anything to do with us. Really? Then why are you so adamant in proving me a liar? No consistent help for over 12 years. I am not a liar. And, your refusal to listen to me for help just proved my point to me all over again.

...But you can buy used clothing and laundry machines... with a collapsed immune system for which I cannot be around Febreeze, toxic laundry products, or bleaches? Right. Here is the real list: I can use only one kind of dish washing liquid, hard soap, shampoo, and only mineral based, unscented laundry/dishwasher tabs. That is it. 

Stick a fork in me, I'm done. 

I don't fit within a neat set of perimeters so therefore I am dismissed as unworthy for the time and effort, but doesn't that say more about the state of your soul than it does about the state of my reality? 

I challenge anyone to live the way I have to for six months. You won't last. My family didn't. My friends didn't. Being the girl in the bubble is more restrictive than you may romanticize it is.

So the next time you are terribly ill from the flu that you cannot think, have patience, work, drive, walk to the bathroom, cook yourself a meal, get your mail, or even breathe out your nose, remember, you are still having a better day than I have had in fifteen years.

Compassion is not something that should have to be taught. Yes, certain people like to take advantage, but when you meet someone who is truly in need... your natural instincts should kick in. Unless you are still wearing those silly glasses of condescending piety. 

You should probably take those off now.

Have a great and wonderful day.

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Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Recovery, It's Not Just for Addicts

I am trying to recover from biotoxin illness. 

My immune system collapse due to employer negligence with industrial chemicals including the misuse and overuse of pesticides.

As I was getting back on my feet, my family allowed a leaky sink to cause my second collapse with toxic black mold.

...but my real medical, clinical symptoms and skeletal condition were just in my head. That is what I was told repeatedly.

Now that my family disowned me, I am recovering inch by inch with miles to go. Every inch is sweet. Of course, every set back is frustrating too. 

When you have a chronic and debilitating illness and people like your family make fun of you, it is really difficult to want to have camaraderie again. I have noticed that when someone is at a distance, I feel better. Our relationship is good.

But when someone is in touching distance of me, well, I am uncomfortable. I guess when someone is abused as I have been that being shy of close connection is not unusual. It's a survival mechanism. 

And, I am a survivor. 

If you do not understand the illness, then support the person the best you can. Be positive but not harassing. Believe me, the ill person will be grateful you care, but do not be disappointed that the ill person remains ill. 

My family thought that I should be able to run around and do chores for them. Or, do all my chores. So when I did not get better from their constant hounding and negativity, my family told others I was an addict and psychotic, which no one with an M.D. or Ph.D. could ever prove even with blood tests. Many terrible things were done to me as a result.  

But recovery from a prolonged illness has many of the hallmarks of recovering from an addiction. First, all your friends are not your friends anymore. Most, if not all, your family ignores you. Your requests for help and support go largely unanswered except for people who are paid to help and support you.

The only difference between being ill and being an addict is understanding from society. Addicts get support groups and therapists. I don't. Addicts receive adequate medical care. I don't. Addicts get legal services and protection under the law. I don't. Addicts have people who they can turn to... well, you get the picture. 

I am not ill by choice. Others chose this path for me. I hope one day people with invisible disabilities like chronic, lifelong illnesses will receive the same societal understanding and respect as others do already. 

It's not a crime to be ill, but it sure does feel like it. I had to go through a Disability Review recently, which I passed because I am truly ill, but the treatment I received placed my health and life in jeopardy. The situation was not fun and I nearly died. 

I am not okay with what happened to me especially since my family tortured and imprisoned me. 

Like Kermit the Frog said: It's not easy being green."

So, what will you do to help your elderly or sick neighbor? They could really use your helping hand at least once a month. If your whole neighborhood assisted others who cannot help themselves, America would be a much brighter place.

Thank you!

Friday, January 9, 2015

Are Essential Oils Essential to the Recovery Process?

In the next stage of my recovery from a debilitating, chronic illness, I have ventured into the realm of essential oils. 

Essential oils have garnered quite the resume in healing circles. 

With my sensitive sense of smell, I have to be careful. My brain is on the look out for anything to attack, including me. So the slow process of retraining my brain has commenced.

I have decided to try peppermint first to cool down and repair my digestive system.  i can add it to cocoa. I can eat it straight in emergencies. I can also place some in carrier oils like olive and coconut to put on my skin. 

So far the effects are better than my peppermint filled mocha from Starbucks without the added sugar or fat... don't even get me started on the transgenic additives as well. 

Have you had your peppermint today?


Friday, October 3, 2014

My Favorite Time of the Year

It is October. 

I must confess: I never imagined that I would live this long. Not more than four years ago, I was bedridden on oxygen and unable to care for myself.

Instead of proper medical care, my former family and friends sought to abuse me in a manner that is criminal. Now I am having to deal with their immature and criminal acts once again. The stress takes its toll.

Well, you have seen from my non-posts. Sorry about that. I am still dealing with the situation, but I am hoping the family works out the details and no longer is apt to dragging me into the situation.

As for writing, well, none of that has happened. Sorry again.

I hate being of delicate in nature and I hope my constitution bounces back one of these years, for I would love to finish all of my books in a timely manner as well as meet any of my readership in actual person.

I have lofty goals, I know, but there is not one goal I have set that I have not attained in one manner or another. 

Which brings us to Halloween! October is my favorite month. I would like to return to giving out candy, dressing up, and decorating the yard, but alas that will not be this year. I did it once two years or so ago, and I did not fair well. 

I shall return to my former activities, slow and slow, but I shall.

Right now, I must get back to writing for myself, the Gazette, and my readership because nothing says entertainment like a chick with brain inflammation, knowledge, internet access, and an axe to grind.  

And, this is the time of year for axes. 

Have a scary and unpredictable day! 
 
_____
 
A writer at heart, Undawnted's own creative spark, DL Mullan, began writing short stories and poetry before adolescence. Over the years, Ms. Mullan has showcased her literary talents by self-publishing several collections of her poetry. She also writes novels, designs apparel, and creates digital art. Ms. Mullan‘s creative writing is available in digital and print collections, from academia to commercial anthologies. As an independent publisher, she produces her own book cover designs as well as maintains her own websites. She is an award-winning digital artist and poet. In 2022, DL Mullan begun sharing her knowledge via A Novelist Idea Newsletter. If you too want to become a Fearless Phile, then subscribe to her newsletter at her Substack.

Learn. Grow. Master… with Undawnted.

Friday, August 8, 2014

TGI... what? It Can't Be Friday Already

This week has whizzed by.

I went to the grocery store, i've done my online shopping.  I did go into one store extra and got sick. There must be mold damage in that store. Reactions, breathing issues, and sinus bleeding all par for the course with sick building syndrome caused by water damage and mold. 

Isn't that great? My super power is a bloody nose! 

I have been thoroughly exhausted.  I have slept and taken naps all week long. So, no, no writing has been accomplished in the realm of fiction. Nonfiction aka journalism, writing has been sparse but doable. 

So have fun. I'll write more later. I have to get out trash and then it's beddy by time for me! 

It's nice to cook and clean when it's cooler in the nights and mornings.


Wednesday, April 9, 2014

It's HOT, HOT, HOT!

Well the desert woke up today.

Mid-90's for the high... ouch! It's back to sleeping during the day and staying up all night again. I won't put the system into full use until I see 100+ on the weather map as an everyday occurrence.

Up all night has it's advantages, I am pretty much free to do what I want without witness as long as I am quiet. I get to track the stars, constellations, and planets, which is very cool. Although I do like the winter sky more than the summer sky. 

And at night is when I am more creative. I like to write at night. When dawn hits, I get that second wind to clean and organize until I fall on my face around noon time. 

I think this summer is going to be a good time. 

I have plans I am working on. One is to get more stable in my reactions. Another is to invoke my creativity onto the next level. I need to. I miss it.

That means: finger painting! Just kidding. 

But I do need to get some new pastels to see if my body will allow me to use them. Ah, the joys of chemical allergies and collapsed immune systems.

No wonder I like the night full of possibilities!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Awake and Determined

I got up late this morning... hehehe! 

I'm not used to being able to sleep past my expiration date. When others used to live with me, They were determined to "bomb" me out of bed. Hey, I pay the bills, then let me sleep in. 

As for the feline compatriots, I make sure I fill up the food dishes before heading off to sleep. If I forget to do so, when my alarm goes off for my medication in the morning is when a pile of cats ends up on my bed. Luckily, I have a squirt bottle near my bed so there is rarely any ruckus but it's hard to sleep until my last alarm with eyes staring at me.

"Wake up, human! Our bowls are almost empty!" Emphasis on the almost. What a bunch of brats! 

So now I am going to get out of bed, I've already had my cocoa mocha, and do a load of laundry and dishes. I like cleaning up before I have to do a grocery run because I like a clean kitchen and refrigerator to put my produce and other food stuffs in and away.

I'm trying to buy only food in the outer isles of the grocery. No more boxed or poisoned foods. I've had my fun in the last year, now it's time to reintegrate into the synergistic diet I like being on. It's a combination Chinese medicine and eating for your blood type, which serves me well. I'm not saying there won't be a cake mix or PF Chang's, I'm saying I am making the switch over to a better diet. 

I feel better with meats, veggies, and fruits. I try to stay away from GMO's and artificial anything. Bodies need nutrition, not chemical soups! No wonder America is so ill. Switch your diet and be amazed how you will start feeling better in the coming years.

It's not an overnight fix. You have to clean out your pipes first so go see a Naturopath or Homeopath for a diet that cleans, rejuvenates, and adds quality to your life. Trust me, junk food and sodas mean nothing if you're too sick in bed to do anything at all.

So I am awake and determined to be healthier than I have been in the past several years, maybe even the last forty, as long as I stay away from chemicals in the food, air, and water as well as mold and fungi everywhere else! 

... and I am awake ;) 


Thursday, December 26, 2013

Proof, Placebo, and the Earth Effect

My brain is fried. I did too much watching of scientific research videos online. Oopsy!

From quantum physics to comparative mythology to Earthing, I have done it all and boy, am I tired. I didn't realize all these disciplines had opened up and now are talking to each other. I wish there had been more cross collaboration when I was in college.

Well, I did take a lot of classes. I felt that I had broached nearly every subject that was offered until I had to specialize. I remember taking a year off community college in order to take classes I didn't need for my associate degrees before I moved onto my bachelor's degree. 

Before I was made ill by my former employer, I was in the middle of attaining three associates and two (at least) certificates. Learning for me is no more difficult than breathing... until my body collapsed under the weight of heavy metal poisoning.

There is nothing fun about gasping to breathe for years.

So when I get excited that I had a good brain day, now you know why. I have spent too many days not having a well functioning brain because of the constant inflammation my body produces because of the toxic overload it possesses. 

One thing I did find information about is Earthing. I like energy work. Grounding oneself metaphysically as well as other energy healing modalities are interesting and produce results for me.

I don't want to be broken anymore. I don't have millions of dollars to get me well again, so I have to do it the slow, old fashion way.

With Earthing, all I have to do is find some grass or earth, stand there in my bare feet, and soak up the energy from the ground and sun. That, I can do. That is easy.

This afternoon I went out and stood in some grass coming up in my decorative river rock. I stood.   One of my outdoor cats came to see what I was doing.  James just lounged around as I felt the Earth under my feet. 

Funny thing was the inflammation I have been experiencing subsided for all the time I was outside and a half hour after I returned inside. I will keep seeing if this procedure works or not. I am a scientist at heart. I want proof, not placebo. 

One thing when I started this journey of self healing is that I wanted to see real results. Results I could pass onto others with MCS/EI/Mold. Knowledge is good. Healing is better. Free is the best, but results are king.

I can't wait for my brain to heal good enough for me to start writing books on my experiences.

Wouldn't success fly in the convention of serious illness? I hope so. I have a lot of people to show that you can hit me, kick me, and beat me down... but I will ALWAYS get back up again...

Don't you feel that way some days too?

Have a great and wonderful night!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Have a Very, Merry Spring?

Today it was warm. Tomorrow and the rest of this week will be in the lower 70's. Yippee! 

Since I am chronically ill, my body cannot regulate its own temperature that well. Anything below 90 and I am breaking out the winter wear. As long as the house gets warm during autumn and winter afternoons, I am pretty well set to do some household chores. 

Then as the sun sets, I take a shower and jump into bed. The cats get fed on or before dusk until the warmer temperatures of spring hit. 

Right now as I type this post from my heavily blanketed bed, my feet are ice cold, my fingers tingle, my head hurts, and my eyesight is blurry. I do need new glasses but it's the roving migraine that I contend with nearly daily that puts pressure on the optic nerve and creates this vision problem.

Could be worse. I could have not learned to touch type and this post would be unreadable. I also increase the magnification on the pages so I can read bigger lettering. The red underlines of typing errors helps too.

As our weather stabilizes and we remain warm and dry, I will be getting to more of my house as the days commence. An hour of housework can create a happy area of cleanliness. 

When the 90's return. so will the cleaning of the area rugs. I don't have carpet or tile because I am allergic to the chemicals. I have carefully laid out rugs. Vacuuming them does produce a breathing reaction even with my carbon mask on, but in the winter it is a necessity.

But it sure does not feel like winter, which is fine by me. The last few winters have been very cold with hard freezes and bushes being burned back. Not a fun sight. I rather have a mild winter so the humming birds can drink the nectar from my Golden Dew Drops' violet and white flowers. 

So this week is a very, merry spring. 

And no... you can keep your snow. I lived in Iowa before and you can still keep the snow. I live in the desert and I am happy.

Have a great one!

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Afternoon Naps and Other Forms of Healing

Even for adults studies have shown that naps in the afternoon are great for the body, mind, soul, and spirit. 

I now have to take daily naps. Two or three hours in addition to the twelve to sixteen I sleep daily makes for a short day. Chronic fatigue is a symptom of my MCS/EI/Mold illnesses.  

It's a tough pill to swallow even if I am allergic to most pharmaceuticals.  I like when I have the energy to get something done. Often, I have to budget my time and make command decisions on what can and cannot be done in a day. 

Some chores get sacrificed for others. Dishes... I hate dishes especially since my hands are dry, cracked, and bleeding most of the time. My body cannot keep oil in itself so water and soap make a bad situation even worse. Laundry is pretty simple. Vacuuming once a week. Dusting is whenever.

Since I require a lot of fresh air from open windows, dust accumulates. Welcome to the desert! So dusting is not a task I put much stock into. It gets done when it gets done. 

When my windows are not open, I must rely on my air cleaners. That is: heavy duty air cleaners. These cleaners run all day and night, windows opened or closed plus I have a MERV 12 air filter in my heatpump unit. 

It is not my lungs per se; it is my liver. The mold and mercury inside my body hiding in organs and other tissues as well as in bonded molecular components eats up my sulfur, antioxidants, and methyl groups. I must also eat protein all day in order to assist my liver in maintaining some type of control (and we haven't even covered the renal damage from black mold found in my kidneys). 

Without my liver stabilized, I am unable to breathe properly and I require oxygen supplementation. The liver does many great tasks for the body. One of which is breaking down harmful substances into non-harmful substances. When my body has to concentrate on the already high amount of toxins and biotoxins in me, my liver cannot self-regulate. So I become allergic to the air I breathe, water I drink, and food I eat. 

Scary.

For instance, a few weeks ago I had a tablespoon of buttermilk ranch and had a severe allergic reaction while I was eating a tomato. I had had ranch for months without an issue, but that night my body decided that a line had been crossed. I have no idea how or why but regular ranch dressing is okay and buttermilk ranch is not. 

Talk about frustrating. I have to wait for my body to stop reacting until I can even try a tomato again or risk a permanent allergy. Isn't chronic illness wonderful?!

Now try to explain this scenario to people who do not have these types of sudden and unclear reactions. Others try to understand but then stop because it is easier to label someone crazy, insane, or psychotic than to realize the symptoms are real and part of a larger toxic cascade happening in the body. 

I have had the experience of knowing and living with people who rather bully you, isolate you, and threaten institutionalization instead of doing the right thing. Right being: researching the issue within the community that has said medical problems, finding the best course of treatment, and following through by getting the patient to the right physician. 

Sounds simple, right? Do the right thing by another person. 

As a former caretaker of my elderly mother, I always did the right thing by the person I was taking care of. When the roles were reversed, my parental unit and siblings decided to ignore the medical issues in lieu of scare tactics. 

Because of course someone that sick cannot possibly be mentally stable. 

Truth be told: the people who neglect, abuse, and torture someone who is physically, medically, or mentally ill are not only criminals but are morally and ethically corrupt to the point beyond rehabilitation.

In order to combat the cyclical night terrors associated with being terrorized, I have discovered meditation. Guided meditations on youtube and other free websites have become routine and helpful. I am glad I found them.

Rewiring a damaged/injured brain due to lack of medical attention is essential to combating reactionary impulses in the primitive brain. Plus I have cognitive issues as well as Central Nervous System damage stemming from systematic inflammation. 

I may not be able to drive, remember much in my short term memory, or use hand-eye coordination, but I am finding new and unorthodox ways to recreate neural pathways so I may recover some of what was lost over the past five years. 






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