Roller Coaster Rides of Depression and Healing

Up and down. High and low. Welcome to the wonderful world of the detox process. 

I began a new vitamin, mineral, and amino acid powder a while back. I went on a high where I felt alive and well. Now I'm in the detox stage. 

Energy has given way to lethargy. Happiness has faded into depression. And bad dreams and thoughts have worsened.

I am hoping I get over the tough road soon. 

I did get some B complex vitamins ordered. I only hope they help with my energy level. If I have to be fatigued, then let it be most of the day, not all of it. I have stuff to do and I would like to have my chores done instead of thinking about doing them. 

Depression and chronic fatigue together are a mighty assault on my will. 

I do have a formidable will too. After the repeated abuse and poisonings, I wouldn't be hear if there wasn't a reason. If I wasn't so damn onry. If I didn't have a will.

Nothing in life has ever come easy to me. I have worked very hard to get everything I have. Sometimes I wish I could have a respite from the madness of the world, but that just leads to complacency. 

If I am anything, it surely is not complacent.

I am always searching, researching what life is all about. What the universe really is. Why I am here?

Everyone has these questions, but most others are satisfied with religious systems that are there to confine their souls to man made dogma, not to inspire imagination or creativity. 

I want to be inspired. I want to be free. I want to soar!

Isn't there something you want to do?

Maybe it's time to break the chains of society,find what inspires you, and ride a roller coaster of your own making with your destiny in mind.  Trying is not failing, failing to try is. 

Have a great ride!

Outgrowing the need for love? It's exhausting

That vitamin powder must be working, I vacuumed and swept today while I had a load of towels and dishes going in the other rooms. I like days like today. Once and a while, chronic fatigue takes a sick day and I am able to be a normal person for a few hours. 

Then, of course, I end up in bed for a few days recovering from the sudden burst of energy. Even the positive days become damned if you do or damned if you don't, but that's what happens with chronic illness.

I have a new cat outside and here I am trying to adopt out some eight month old, spayed and neutered kittens. Lovely bunch, but too much for me to handle any more, physically and financially. Sometimes I think the universe likes to play sick jokes on people in an vain attempt at cosmic humor. Dude, I'm not laughing... I have plenty of cats already. Stop it.

This is supposed be an old folks home, not Cattery 101. 

I guess the universe knew I needed some love and a family of my own. I love them all very dearly. Unfortunately there comes a time when the babies must leave the nest. I'm afraid mine have all outgrown my place and need somewhere of their own. 

Like all caretakers, if you love them, you must set them free. I'll have to begin the depressing process of finding homes for my little creatures. Then I will have empty nest syndrome after the house goes quiet.

I'll mope. I'll cry. I'll wonder why I am unloved and alone...

Then the universe will send me a new batch and you know I cannot say "no" to baby kitties.

What am I ever going to do with myself? 

Have a great and wonderful evening!    

In Search Of: The Great American... Vitamin?

My Emergen-C Multivitamin was discontinued. I have been researching and trying to find a replacement this last month. Boy, has my body been a tyrant!

I cannot focus to meditate as well as I was a few weeks ago, my body has been fighting me about eating, and just the general malaise. Well, I was taking the packets three times a day with my other regular Emergen-C packets so I can function a few hours a day.

I went to the Vitamin Shoppe online where I buy some of my supplements. I discovered a powder multivitamin, mineral, and amino acid complex. At first, my body was: wtf? but now it seems to really like the vitamin, pharmacy tasting powder.

Finally. I mix the powder with some pineapple juice and we're good.

My only wish is that I could find one without Iron in it so I can take it as many times a day as I need it. I'm still researching to find something to compliment my entire regimen of vitamins and supplements.

I want to begin feeling better. I hate being tried and ill. It really is no fun. 

I did get the dishes done today, which is great. I get to eat dinner tonight on a plate! That is always helpful. I haven't decided what is for dinner so I guess I better go look in the freezer and pantry isles of my house. 

Then it's time for bed. The vitamins have made me spunk up and then crash right afterward. I hope the spunk takes on a life of its own so I can be more active during the day. 

I can't write that Great American Novel if I'm asleep in bed.