Thursday, April 4, 2019

Your Rose Colored Glasses Ain't Helpin' Me

It's funny when you are in need how people react to you. 

Some people act like they want to help by asking you 21 questions and then decide you didn't answer them correctly. How did my disability fail to meet your help requirements? 

Some people act like you are having the time of  your life on disability. Near death experiences on a weekly basis, hallicuinations on a daily basis, and money on a monthly basis is how much fun again? 

Some people accuse you of not being ill... Well, you look fine. I saw you walk to your front door. You just need to take a shower and get some exercise... Yeah, that exercise almost ended me two Sundays ago when I tried to do yard work to save money. Are we supposed to be judging a book by its cover? 

Some people believe you qualify for all sort of government handouts and assistance. No, actually I do not qualify for any resources I have paid into over the years. No food stamps. No long term care. No home assistance. No medical (my doctor told me to see a naturopath; those doctors are not covered by Medicare). No lawn help. No grocery assistance. No churches help. No meals on wheels or other help because of my food and chemical allergies; once i enumerate them, I get hung up on. No driving assistance because I cannot be around smokers or fragrances; the religious organization wanted a letter from my doctor to verify my illness.

There comes a time when a person just gets fed up being called a liar. 

I went on a Facebook group that is supposed to help people, but you have to have a working phone with a camera and cell service. I haven't had cell service in quite awhile because I have been too sick to travel. In order to get help with food, I had to take a picture of my refrigerator with a note I would write with the date. Say what? So all those photos I see are staged? There is no way in hell that is proof of anything but that you have an expensive cellular phone and service.  

My digital cameras sit unused because I haven't been able to afford batteries. My flashlight is not doing so well either. I don't trust it to go into a dark room anymore. I have one working light bulb on a stick lamp I put around the back of the house to see at night. 

So if I borrowed a camera, then I will be accused of having enough money for a fancy phone and service like I was on the Kettle Fire Bone Broth post a few months back when I asked them for some coupons and any programs they might have for disabled people like me. I was reamed by this woman (not associated with the company). 

I have also been accused of being "entitled" to the social programs I have paid for over the years on Twitter. Somehow I do not deserve somneone's time and effort. What has happened to our world? America has turned into the rose colored glasses squad of infinite denial. 

If you complain that the reality you live is different from the one people associate with, you are ungrateful, entitled, bitter, and have "attitude." For telling the truth of my situation? Wowzers. 

I was also told that because I live in Arizona, I qualify for food stamps like it is automatic for a housebound person such as myself. That is so untrue. I was informed by the same Facebook group that $100 was too high for me to receive any grocery help for the month. Food stamps for one adult in Arizona is $200 a month. So I was expected to live off less than $15 a week for some fantasy. 

I had already said to delete my post once I was told there were no resources for me there, yet some of the membership kept goading me to turn in a fake picture. I cried and sobbed most of the night and this morning over how people are so disconnected from reality that they refused to hear what I was telling them: I and my friends have tried to get me services; I am refused because I cannot travel,  talk on the phone, or win phone lotteries (for utility help). 

Take off the glasses... these programs are for able bodied people! Disabled people can only qualify if they cater to the able bodied programs' requirements. Isn't that a form of discrimination? Doesn't the ADA require companies to give a reasonable accommodation? Only if you have a good lawyer.

I also heard: nothing you said has anything to do with us. Really? Then why are you so adamant in proving me a liar? No consistent help for over 12 years. I am not a liar. And, your refusal to listen to me for help just proved my point to me all over again.

...But you can buy used clothing and laundry machines... with a collapsed immune system for which I cannot be around Febreeze, toxic laundry products, or bleaches? Right. Here is the real list: I can use only one kind of dish washing liquid, hard soap, shampoo, and only mineral based, unscented laundry/dishwasher tabs. That is it. 

Stick a fork in me, I'm done. 

I don't fit within a neat set of perimeters so therefore I am dismissed as unworthy for the time and effort, but doesn't that say more about the state of your soul than it does about the state of my reality? 

I challenge anyone to live the way I have to for six months. You won't last. My family didn't. My friends didn't. Being the girl in the bubble is more restrictive than you may romanticize it is.

So the next time you are terribly ill from the flu that you cannot think, have patience, work, drive, walk to the bathroom, cook yourself a meal, get your mail, or even breathe out your nose, remember, you are still having a better day than I have had in fifteen years.

Compassion is not something that should have to be taught. Yes, certain people like to take advantage, but when you meet someone who is truly in need... your natural instincts should kick in. Unless you are still wearing those silly glasses of condescending piety. 

You should probably take those off now.

Have a great and wonderful day.

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