Your Rose Colored Glasses Ain't Helpin' Me

It's funny when you are in need how people react to you. 

Some people act like they want to help by asking you 21 questions and then decide you didn't answer them correctly. How did my disability fail to meet your help requirements? 

Some people act like you are having the time of  your life on disability. Near death experiences on a weekly basis, hallicuinations on a daily basis, and money on a monthly basis is how much fun again? 

Some people accuse you of not being ill... Well, you look fine. I saw you walk to your front door. You just need to take a shower and get some exercise... Yeah, that exercise almost ended me two Sundays ago when I tried to do yard work to save money. Are we supposed to be judging a book by its cover? 

Some people believe you qualify for all sort of government handouts and assistance. No, actually I do not qualify for any resources I have paid into over the years. No food stamps. No long term care. No home assistance. No medical (my doctor told me to see a naturopath; those doctors are not covered by Medicare). No lawn help. No grocery assistance. No churches help. No meals on wheels or other help because of my food and chemical allergies; once i enumerate them, I get hung up on. No driving assistance because I cannot be around smokers or fragrances; the religious organization wanted a letter from my doctor to verify my illness.

There comes a time when a person just gets fed up being called a liar. 

I went on a Facebook group that is supposed to help people, but you have to have a working phone with a camera and cell service. I haven't had cell service in quite awhile because I have been too sick to travel. In order to get help with food, I had to take a picture of my refrigerator with a note I would write with the date. Say what? So all those photos I see are staged? There is no way in hell that is proof of anything but that you have an expensive cellular phone and service.  

My digital cameras sit unused because I haven't been able to afford batteries. My flashlight is not doing so well either. I don't trust it to go into a dark room anymore. I have one working light bulb on a stick lamp I put around the back of the house to see at night. 

So if I borrowed a camera, then I will be accused of having enough money for a fancy phone and service like I was on the Kettle Fire Bone Broth post a few months back when I asked them for some coupons and any programs they might have for disabled people like me. I was reamed by this woman (not associated with the company). 

I have also been accused of being "entitled" to the social programs I have paid for over the years on Twitter. Somehow I do not deserve somneone's time and effort. What has happened to our world? America has turned into the rose colored glasses squad of infinite denial. 

If you complain that the reality you live is different from the one people associate with, you are ungrateful, entitled, bitter, and have "attitude." For telling the truth of my situation? Wowzers. 

I was also told that because I live in Arizona, I qualify for food stamps like it is automatic for a housebound person such as myself. That is so untrue. I was informed by the same Facebook group that $100 was too high for me to receive any grocery help for the month. Food stamps for one adult in Arizona is $200 a month. So I was expected to live off less than $15 a week for some fantasy. 

I had already said to delete my post once I was told there were no resources for me there, yet some of the membership kept goading me to turn in a fake picture. I cried and sobbed most of the night and this morning over how people are so disconnected from reality that they refused to hear what I was telling them: I and my friends have tried to get me services; I am refused because I cannot travel,  talk on the phone, or win phone lotteries (for utility help). 

Take off the glasses... these programs are for able bodied people! Disabled people can only qualify if they cater to the able bodied programs' requirements. Isn't that a form of discrimination? Doesn't the ADA require companies to give a reasonable accommodation? Only if you have a good lawyer.

I also heard: nothing you said has anything to do with us. Really? Then why are you so adamant in proving me a liar? No consistent help for over 12 years. I am not a liar. And, your refusal to listen to me for help just proved my point to me all over again.

...But you can buy used clothing and laundry machines... with a collapsed immune system for which I cannot be around Febreeze, toxic laundry products, or bleaches? Right. Here is the real list: I can use only one kind of dish washing liquid, hard soap, shampoo, and only mineral based, unscented laundry/dishwasher tabs. That is it. 

Stick a fork in me, I'm done. 

I don't fit within a neat set of perimeters so therefore I am dismissed as unworthy for the time and effort, but doesn't that say more about the state of your soul than it does about the state of my reality? 

I challenge anyone to live the way I have to for six months. You won't last. My family didn't. My friends didn't. Being the girl in the bubble is more restrictive than you may romanticize it is.

So the next time you are terribly ill from the flu that you cannot think, have patience, work, drive, walk to the bathroom, cook yourself a meal, get your mail, or even breathe out your nose, remember, you are still having a better day than I have had in fifteen years.

Compassion is not something that should have to be taught. Yes, certain people like to take advantage, but when you meet someone who is truly in need... your natural instincts should kick in. Unless you are still wearing those silly glasses of condescending piety. 

You should probably take those off now.

Have a great and wonderful day.

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Our Publications to Date

If you haven't already, please stop by our releases on the Author Spotlight by Sonoran Dawn Studios. 

We have already released since May 31st: 

Booklets 
Recipes for nutritious dinners or to spruce up the house, our booklets contain everything you need to get back to the basics.

• Home Freshening Spray Recipe 
• Spanish Rice Recipe
• Homemade Mopping Solution Recipe 
• Eggless, Breadless Meatloaf Recipe 
• Homemade Laundry Soap Recipe 

Essays

From research to articles, our nonfiction essays are sure to entertain while they inform and educate.

• Poetic Dialogue: Grammar and the Arts 
• Manufactured Consent 
• Uncommon Knowledge: The US Flag
• The Great American Novel REVISITED
• Gaslighting and the Environmental Illness Patien

From the Books & More page. 

Have a great and wonderful day!

The Healthy Home Project Laundry Recipe

Too many products out on the market are full of EPA regulated chemicals, perfumes, and items not listed with the other ingredients.

 It's time for a change and get back to the basics.

The Healthy Home Project can help you get started on your way to a better, cleaner, and healthier lifestyle... starting with your laundry.

Homemade Laundry Soap Recipe is a great way to make living easier. 

Gaslighting Book Receives Heartwarming Support

Undawnted wanted to send out more appreciation today this time for our first book: Gaslighting and the Environmental Illness Patient. 

It has been so heartwarming to see all the support.

If you have not downloaded your free copy, then do so here with this Author's Spotlight link. 

If you liked our first book, then please leave us some positive feedback for others.

Thank you!

Have a great and wonderful weekend!

Thank you for Supporting EI's!

Gaslighting and the Environmental Illness Patient has been a huge success thanks to YOU! 

We had some great times working with others to publish great information and loads of resources. We cannot wait for our next installment in the Environmental Illness Book Series.

So remember to pick up your copy of our PDF the next time you are on Lulu. 

And keep watching our Schedule for more debuts from our Sonroan Dawn Studios site.

We have just gotten started!

Have a great and wonderful day!  

Gaslighting and the Environmental Illness Patient Published

Today, Undawnted in conjunction with Sonoran Dawn Studios published our first book in the series: Environmental Illness. 

The booklet is: Gaslighting and the Environmental Illness Patient. 

Our synopsis:

The first book in the series sheds light on the psychology of friends, family, and the medical community at large when it comes to treating the Environmental Illness patient. 

Too often Environmental Illness patients are abandoned by the people that are supposed to care about them. Here is how and why situations like abandonment and name calling occur. 

When you understand what is happening to you, then you are able to deal with the emotional and mental impacts with a more mature perspective. 

How do you know if you have fallen victim to gaslighting?

The PDF's in this series will always be FREE because we know information needed by patients should be available to them without putting their safety or security at risk because of money issues.

Undawnted has a special page for our Environmental Illness Book Series, if you would like to see what other books are on the way.

If you like our booklets, please remember to Google+ and Facebook us as well as leave positive feedback.

Thank you!!!

Have a great and wonderful day! 

Mind, Body, and Soul

My old art and poetry blog/website is now going under rapid changes.

Mind, Body, and Soul is a place where someone who is sick with Environmental Illness will find books, research, and much, much more.

Here is the link for Dawn Leslie Mullan's Mind, Body, and Soul.

Have a great and wonderful day!

Migraines, the Gift that Keeps on Giving

It is nice to see some things never change.

Another day, another migraine. This one took me out for several days. Since I suffer from Environmental Illness, I do not get the luxury of pain relief. No medications for me, I am on my own. 

It is great when you add in the skull splitting pain. 

So how was your weekend? My cats were so worried that a shrine of toys was left at my bedside. I get up to get a drink of water and there are cat toys lining the floor. 

At least my kitties are considerate. I am officially apart of their cat colony and when I go down, they take notice. 

Awww, kitty love. 

I hope your day is full of love from your fur friends too. 

Have a scary, fright filled day!

Clutter, Minimalism, and Harmony: Guess What's Hitting the Trash?

You don't know how much crap you have until you go through it. 

I have been on a tear, which for me is nowhere near light speed, for a while now to clean, organize, and harmonize. Once I began meditating and clearing out the old mindset, I have just trashed things I didn't want, weren't mine, and shouldn't have. All gone.

Trash day is Friday in my neighborhood and sometimes I wonder if my bin can be lifted by the city vehicles! Yet, each time they are with ease. I pack so much clutter in there that the lid isn't perfectly sealed down.

I am in a phase of my life where I don't want the things that I own to own me. Minimalistic, symmetrical, and harmonious. If I do not have a place for it, I will stash it in my china closet or somewhere else safe for a while. If I am unable to find a home in the grand scheme of my decor, then off to the thrift shop it goes! 

January is another bulk trash month. I have some things in the back yard that are going to see the curb. Good-bye!

I don't want to deal with clutter. I don't have to. That is the best part: I do not have to! 

I want to walk into any room in my house and know that everything has its place and everything is in its place. 

It's a great way to view life. I did the collecting and the pretties. It never satisfied me the way an easy flow decor does because the energy doesn't weigh me down.

I still have years to go to perfect my little world, but that's the funnest part: shopping! Online (mostly) or in person, I can decide what will work and what doesn't. I decide my pace and budget!

Well, I've done enough writing for one evening. I listened to lectures online again today. I have to relearn everything I used to know and then it still doesn't remain in my synapses. That's the thing about chronic illness: you can't count on anything. 

Yet, I had a good day. I slept in. I ate. I played and petted my kitties. I organized. I dusted. I listened to music on the radio. 

Tomorrow, I probably will have to recuperate from my "good" day. Okay, the rest of the week too. OMG, I used to go 18 hours a day. Now I sleep it and still find time for a two hour nap!

I hope everyone has a great night and rest of the weekend! 

Proof, Placebo, and the Earth Effect

My brain is fried. I did too much watching of scientific research videos online. Oopsy!

From quantum physics to comparative mythology to Earthing, I have done it all and boy, am I tired. I didn't realize all these disciplines had opened up and now are talking to each other. I wish there had been more cross collaboration when I was in college.

Well, I did take a lot of classes. I felt that I had broached nearly every subject that was offered until I had to specialize. I remember taking a year off community college in order to take classes I didn't need for my associate degrees before I moved onto my bachelor's degree. 

Before I was made ill by my former employer, I was in the middle of attaining three associates and two (at least) certificates. Learning for me is no more difficult than breathing... until my body collapsed under the weight of heavy metal poisoning.

There is nothing fun about gasping to breathe for years.

So when I get excited that I had a good brain day, now you know why. I have spent too many days not having a well functioning brain because of the constant inflammation my body produces because of the toxic overload it possesses. 

One thing I did find information about is Earthing. I like energy work. Grounding oneself metaphysically as well as other energy healing modalities are interesting and produce results for me.

I don't want to be broken anymore. I don't have millions of dollars to get me well again, so I have to do it the slow, old fashion way.

With Earthing, all I have to do is find some grass or earth, stand there in my bare feet, and soak up the energy from the ground and sun. That, I can do. That is easy.

This afternoon I went out and stood in some grass coming up in my decorative river rock. I stood.   One of my outdoor cats came to see what I was doing.  James just lounged around as I felt the Earth under my feet. 

Funny thing was the inflammation I have been experiencing subsided for all the time I was outside and a half hour after I returned inside. I will keep seeing if this procedure works or not. I am a scientist at heart. I want proof, not placebo. 

One thing when I started this journey of self healing is that I wanted to see real results. Results I could pass onto others with MCS/EI/Mold. Knowledge is good. Healing is better. Free is the best, but results are king.

I can't wait for my brain to heal good enough for me to start writing books on my experiences.

Wouldn't success fly in the convention of serious illness? I hope so. I have a lot of people to show that you can hit me, kick me, and beat me down... but I will ALWAYS get back up again...

Don't you feel that way some days too?

Have a great and wonderful night!

Have a Very, Merry Spring?

Today it was warm. Tomorrow and the rest of this week will be in the lower 70's. Yippee! 

Since I am chronically ill, my body cannot regulate its own temperature that well. Anything below 90 and I am breaking out the winter wear. As long as the house gets warm during autumn and winter afternoons, I am pretty well set to do some household chores. 

Then as the sun sets, I take a shower and jump into bed. The cats get fed on or before dusk until the warmer temperatures of spring hit. 

Right now as I type this post from my heavily blanketed bed, my feet are ice cold, my fingers tingle, my head hurts, and my eyesight is blurry. I do need new glasses but it's the roving migraine that I contend with nearly daily that puts pressure on the optic nerve and creates this vision problem.

Could be worse. I could have not learned to touch type and this post would be unreadable. I also increase the magnification on the pages so I can read bigger lettering. The red underlines of typing errors helps too.

As our weather stabilizes and we remain warm and dry, I will be getting to more of my house as the days commence. An hour of housework can create a happy area of cleanliness. 

When the 90's return. so will the cleaning of the area rugs. I don't have carpet or tile because I am allergic to the chemicals. I have carefully laid out rugs. Vacuuming them does produce a breathing reaction even with my carbon mask on, but in the winter it is a necessity.

But it sure does not feel like winter, which is fine by me. The last few winters have been very cold with hard freezes and bushes being burned back. Not a fun sight. I rather have a mild winter so the humming birds can drink the nectar from my Golden Dew Drops' violet and white flowers. 

So this week is a very, merry spring. 

And no... you can keep your snow. I lived in Iowa before and you can still keep the snow. I live in the desert and I am happy.

Have a great one!

Afternoon Naps and Other Forms of Healing

Even for adults studies have shown that naps in the afternoon are great for the body, mind, soul, and spirit. 

I now have to take daily naps. Two or three hours in addition to the twelve to sixteen I sleep daily makes for a short day. Chronic fatigue is a symptom of my MCS/EI/Mold illnesses.  

It's a tough pill to swallow even if I am allergic to most pharmaceuticals.  I like when I have the energy to get something done. Often, I have to budget my time and make command decisions on what can and cannot be done in a day. 

Some chores get sacrificed for others. Dishes... I hate dishes especially since my hands are dry, cracked, and bleeding most of the time. My body cannot keep oil in itself so water and soap make a bad situation even worse. Laundry is pretty simple. Vacuuming once a week. Dusting is whenever.

Since I require a lot of fresh air from open windows, dust accumulates. Welcome to the desert! So dusting is not a task I put much stock into. It gets done when it gets done. 

When my windows are not open, I must rely on my air cleaners. That is: heavy duty air cleaners. These cleaners run all day and night, windows opened or closed plus I have a MERV 12 air filter in my heatpump unit. 

It is not my lungs per se; it is my liver. The mold and mercury inside my body hiding in organs and other tissues as well as in bonded molecular components eats up my sulfur, antioxidants, and methyl groups. I must also eat protein all day in order to assist my liver in maintaining some type of control (and we haven't even covered the renal damage from black mold found in my kidneys). 

Without my liver stabilized, I am unable to breathe properly and I require oxygen supplementation. The liver does many great tasks for the body. One of which is breaking down harmful substances into non-harmful substances. When my body has to concentrate on the already high amount of toxins and biotoxins in me, my liver cannot self-regulate. So I become allergic to the air I breathe, water I drink, and food I eat. 

Scary.

For instance, a few weeks ago I had a tablespoon of buttermilk ranch and had a severe allergic reaction while I was eating a tomato. I had had ranch for months without an issue, but that night my body decided that a line had been crossed. I have no idea how or why but regular ranch dressing is okay and buttermilk ranch is not. 

Talk about frustrating. I have to wait for my body to stop reacting until I can even try a tomato again or risk a permanent allergy. Isn't chronic illness wonderful?!

Now try to explain this scenario to people who do not have these types of sudden and unclear reactions. Others try to understand but then stop because it is easier to label someone crazy, insane, or psychotic than to realize the symptoms are real and part of a larger toxic cascade happening in the body. 

I have had the experience of knowing and living with people who rather bully you, isolate you, and threaten institutionalization instead of doing the right thing. Right being: researching the issue within the community that has said medical problems, finding the best course of treatment, and following through by getting the patient to the right physician. 

Sounds simple, right? Do the right thing by another person. 

As a former caretaker of my elderly mother, I always did the right thing by the person I was taking care of. When the roles were reversed, my parental unit and siblings decided to ignore the medical issues in lieu of scare tactics. 

Because of course someone that sick cannot possibly be mentally stable. 

Truth be told: the people who neglect, abuse, and torture someone who is physically, medically, or mentally ill are not only criminals but are morally and ethically corrupt to the point beyond rehabilitation.

In order to combat the cyclical night terrors associated with being terrorized, I have discovered meditation. Guided meditations on youtube and other free websites have become routine and helpful. I am glad I found them.

Rewiring a damaged/injured brain due to lack of medical attention is essential to combating reactionary impulses in the primitive brain. Plus I have cognitive issues as well as Central Nervous System damage stemming from systematic inflammation. 

I may not be able to drive, remember much in my short term memory, or use hand-eye coordination, but I am finding new and unorthodox ways to recreate neural pathways so I may recover some of what was lost over the past five years. 

Happy Yule Tidings

December 21st is the customary day of celebration for Yule. It's supposed to be the shortest day of the year. With the long night, the land lays fallow waiting for the warmth of the spring to come.

Pagans have celebrated this day of death and rebirth for as long as humans have marked the cycles. 

Other religions have taken the holiday and made it their own through political and religious might. So we have holiday after holiday during the winter season. 

I enjoy celebrating today because it feels purer than other days. I am not brainwashed to believe in a birth I know did not happen until March or pressured into being like everyone else. I can be me and celebrate what I chose, when I chose to do it.

Yule for me is about saying good-bye to the old. I have a lot of old to say good-bye to too. This year I have become quite independent as a disabled American. I have my ups and downs, my bad days and my good days. Everyday I am grateful that I can be who I am without ridicule, pressure, or disrespect from others. 

I am very ill. Nothing is really going to change that aspect of my life. There is only so many times your immune system can be collapsed, your liver compromised, your renal system infected, and your digestive system attacked to notice that your nervous system, heart, and lungs do not work as they should any longer.

Even though I am in bed more hours of the day than I am in motion, I still am grateful for every day that I am here. I have a lot to do! I am doing my art and writing my books. 

I am doubly grateful to be the editor and staff writer for my community online newspaper: the Villa de Paz Gazette. I only hope to continue writing great articles that impact the way people perceive reality. 

I am also helping my community fight off a vulture capitalist that wants to destroy our golf course for a housing development. It's nice to be back in the saddle again, even if it's a kid's pony ride. 

Yule like other holidays should bring out the best in you. 

Be happy. Be grateful. Be open. 

The universe is watching and waiting for you to open up to the possibilities that await. So take some time this busy holiday season and make a list. Check it twice. List all the things you are grateful for. 

With joy and gratitude in your heart, nothing is impossible: including a miraculous recovery...