Coming Out of the Closet

No, not me! hahahaa! My cat! My cat!

My family took off my closet doors so I have curtains hanging there instead. My linx colorpoint shorthair believes that hiding in my curtains is a game. No matter how many times I squirt him. It's all fun and games to him! 

As for my closet doors, my family did as an incompetent but world renown naturopath said, like seven months later, to remove the carpet and everything from my room so I would stop "reacting, " which is code for stop complaining about my neglect and abuse. A couple of fine points here: when you don't clean the rest of the house, the air conditioner brings in the crap from the outside of the room into the so-called "sanctuary" that was supposed to be set up. 

Incompetence.

Then there is the matter of my clothing. My family took all of the clothing in my closet put them in plastic bags or containers and set it all outside in the back yard under my fabric gazebo. I'll let you catch up... Heat and moisture built up inside the plastic and molded most of my clothing. The clothing that wasn't molded was used by the outside vermin to live in. I discovered clots of hair, vomit, urine, and feces. 

Incompetence. 

So several thousand dollars worth of clothing was destroyed and here my sister threatened me over her beloved concert Tshirts. Yet it was okay to destroy my entire wardrobe. 

My siblings wonder why people hand me responsibility and not them. 

The closet doors were also set outside to mold. So I had to throw those away, hence the curtains. I bought some nice curtains too. I cannot paint so I did the next best thing. 

My family did a little more than destroy clothing and some closet doors, they pretty much vandalized my house and then left me with nothing. Again, the reason other family members leave me in charge of their affairs or projects, I respect other people's wishes. My family just does whatever the hell they please and walks away as if they have done nothing wrong. 

Actually they go around blaming others for their actions... so I am glad I can play squirt the kitty rather than having more of my personal items stolen or damaged. Yeah, they did steal from me too. 

It's amazing what people will rationalize when they are the ones doing wrong to someone else, especially when they made that person sick, wouldn't face up to their responsibility and then left a 90 pound person all alone in a house so they did not have to deal with me anymore. 

I'm telling you these things because I never want it to happen to another ill person again. If you mess up, make it right. Don't just throw a person in their bedroom and threaten them if they speak out about the conditions they're living in. Do the right thing: get help for yourself so you can make a bad situation into a manageable one.

As for me, I'm doing so much better than I ever thought I could because complete strangers stepped in and got me on the road to recovery. One simple email and some phone calls. My family could have done these actions years before if they were interested in making me well. They weren't. They were playing the sympathy game with everyone on the outside by calling me a psycho. Sorry, I am not. I have a medical condition, not a psychiatric one.

Incompetence. 

The only way to show how morally and ethically bankrupt you are. Please avoid at all costs. It may just save someone else's life.

MCS/EI/Mold and Lyme are severe and critical medical conditions, please show your support by being understanding to someone who is medically ill by not making fum of them, criticizing them, neglecting or abusing them, and not threatening them with institutionalization like I was. 

It's simply a matter of competence.

Have a great and wonderful day.

Why Does Society Smell like Whores?

Could someone please tell me why you all must spray items, and yourselves, down with smelly, horrible poisons?

I'm dying out here.

Since my liver cannot filter and breakdown chemicals properly, perfumed products cause substantial breathing problems. I'm still tight in the chest from an incident that took place an hour ago.

If you value your health, loved ones, or life, then stop trying to smell like a whore house. 

I gave up commercial cleaners, laundry soap, softeners, perfumes, body sprays... all long time ago. Now when I go out into public, I find that most people smell disgusting from all the crap they wear in their clothes, hair, and personage. 

For real, you guys smell terrible.

If I need to make something smell better, I use water and vinegar in a squirt bottle. I use vinegar in my rinse cycle for clothes and dishes. I save so much money using vinegar that I think all of you are crazy not to be using it!

I also use Free and Clear 7th Generation laundry soap and Free and Clear Method dishwashing tabs too. For deodorant, I use my chlorophyll for internal odor control (which helps externally) and pascalite bentonite clay for the outside (to keep my dry). I'm pretty much smell free and poison free.

So the next time you go to the store and reach for those commercial detergents, just remember those manufacturers aren't going to pay for your inflammatory induced diseases or your time off work because your immune system does not function properly in a few years.

Take it from me: the Woman who lives in a Bubble, it's not fun or glamorous to be this ill. 

Now to wash my new-ish curtains over and over again until I can stand to be in the same room with them... eewww!!!   

Living the Vida Kitty

I never thought in all my life that I would be sleeping as much as my cats. 

I have so much to do and not enough money to do it... or any energy even if I was flush.

There is a virus going around that knocks you down, then a bacteria gets into your chest, and then the virus comes back to finish you off. That is literal. I have heard of others dying of this so-called flu, but I don't think it's the regular flu.

I know I have it. I have mucous  in my throat and chest; post nasal drip, chills, over sleeping... the works!

The illness began back in December, I fought it back with vitamin C packets and raw organic garlic but it came back this month. Well, I went out grocery shopping and that will get you every time! 

So I'm back on the vitamin C and garlic.

I' beat a similar infection/virus last year. It's just that if you don't take care of yourself and increase your supplements, and garlic, you can put yourself at undue risk.

This afternoon, I fell asleep listening to an online newscast I like to watch every week. I got onto myself, then I realized: if you are falling asleep for little reason then you are probably a lot sicker than you think you are.

For this weekend then I am going to live the Vida Kitty. I'll go get warm in the sun in the afternoons but for the rest of the time: it's bed rest, liquids, online television shows, supplements and garlic as far as the eye can see. 

I hope by next week this chapter of fuzzy mittens and luluabies is over. I have bulk trash to get out by the curb and I can't annoy the neighbors with a trash heap if I'm coughing up a lung.

Stay safe and be well!

Clutter, Minimalism, and Harmony: Guess What's Hitting the Trash?

You don't know how much crap you have until you go through it. 

I have been on a tear, which for me is nowhere near light speed, for a while now to clean, organize, and harmonize. Once I began meditating and clearing out the old mindset, I have just trashed things I didn't want, weren't mine, and shouldn't have. All gone.

Trash day is Friday in my neighborhood and sometimes I wonder if my bin can be lifted by the city vehicles! Yet, each time they are with ease. I pack so much clutter in there that the lid isn't perfectly sealed down.

I am in a phase of my life where I don't want the things that I own to own me. Minimalistic, symmetrical, and harmonious. If I do not have a place for it, I will stash it in my china closet or somewhere else safe for a while. If I am unable to find a home in the grand scheme of my decor, then off to the thrift shop it goes! 

January is another bulk trash month. I have some things in the back yard that are going to see the curb. Good-bye!

I don't want to deal with clutter. I don't have to. That is the best part: I do not have to! 

I want to walk into any room in my house and know that everything has its place and everything is in its place. 

It's a great way to view life. I did the collecting and the pretties. It never satisfied me the way an easy flow decor does because the energy doesn't weigh me down.

I still have years to go to perfect my little world, but that's the funnest part: shopping! Online (mostly) or in person, I can decide what will work and what doesn't. I decide my pace and budget!

Well, I've done enough writing for one evening. I listened to lectures online again today. I have to relearn everything I used to know and then it still doesn't remain in my synapses. That's the thing about chronic illness: you can't count on anything. 

Yet, I had a good day. I slept in. I ate. I played and petted my kitties. I organized. I dusted. I listened to music on the radio. 

Tomorrow, I probably will have to recuperate from my "good" day. Okay, the rest of the week too. OMG, I used to go 18 hours a day. Now I sleep it and still find time for a two hour nap!

I hope everyone has a great night and rest of the weekend! 

Proof, Placebo, and the Earth Effect

My brain is fried. I did too much watching of scientific research videos online. Oopsy!

From quantum physics to comparative mythology to Earthing, I have done it all and boy, am I tired. I didn't realize all these disciplines had opened up and now are talking to each other. I wish there had been more cross collaboration when I was in college.

Well, I did take a lot of classes. I felt that I had broached nearly every subject that was offered until I had to specialize. I remember taking a year off community college in order to take classes I didn't need for my associate degrees before I moved onto my bachelor's degree. 

Before I was made ill by my former employer, I was in the middle of attaining three associates and two (at least) certificates. Learning for me is no more difficult than breathing... until my body collapsed under the weight of heavy metal poisoning.

There is nothing fun about gasping to breathe for years.

So when I get excited that I had a good brain day, now you know why. I have spent too many days not having a well functioning brain because of the constant inflammation my body produces because of the toxic overload it possesses. 

One thing I did find information about is Earthing. I like energy work. Grounding oneself metaphysically as well as other energy healing modalities are interesting and produce results for me.

I don't want to be broken anymore. I don't have millions of dollars to get me well again, so I have to do it the slow, old fashion way.

With Earthing, all I have to do is find some grass or earth, stand there in my bare feet, and soak up the energy from the ground and sun. That, I can do. That is easy.

This afternoon I went out and stood in some grass coming up in my decorative river rock. I stood.   One of my outdoor cats came to see what I was doing.  James just lounged around as I felt the Earth under my feet. 

Funny thing was the inflammation I have been experiencing subsided for all the time I was outside and a half hour after I returned inside. I will keep seeing if this procedure works or not. I am a scientist at heart. I want proof, not placebo. 

One thing when I started this journey of self healing is that I wanted to see real results. Results I could pass onto others with MCS/EI/Mold. Knowledge is good. Healing is better. Free is the best, but results are king.

I can't wait for my brain to heal good enough for me to start writing books on my experiences.

Wouldn't success fly in the convention of serious illness? I hope so. I have a lot of people to show that you can hit me, kick me, and beat me down... but I will ALWAYS get back up again...

Don't you feel that way some days too?

Have a great and wonderful night!

Have a Very, Merry Spring?

Today it was warm. Tomorrow and the rest of this week will be in the lower 70's. Yippee! 

Since I am chronically ill, my body cannot regulate its own temperature that well. Anything below 90 and I am breaking out the winter wear. As long as the house gets warm during autumn and winter afternoons, I am pretty well set to do some household chores. 

Then as the sun sets, I take a shower and jump into bed. The cats get fed on or before dusk until the warmer temperatures of spring hit. 

Right now as I type this post from my heavily blanketed bed, my feet are ice cold, my fingers tingle, my head hurts, and my eyesight is blurry. I do need new glasses but it's the roving migraine that I contend with nearly daily that puts pressure on the optic nerve and creates this vision problem.

Could be worse. I could have not learned to touch type and this post would be unreadable. I also increase the magnification on the pages so I can read bigger lettering. The red underlines of typing errors helps too.

As our weather stabilizes and we remain warm and dry, I will be getting to more of my house as the days commence. An hour of housework can create a happy area of cleanliness. 

When the 90's return. so will the cleaning of the area rugs. I don't have carpet or tile because I am allergic to the chemicals. I have carefully laid out rugs. Vacuuming them does produce a breathing reaction even with my carbon mask on, but in the winter it is a necessity.

But it sure does not feel like winter, which is fine by me. The last few winters have been very cold with hard freezes and bushes being burned back. Not a fun sight. I rather have a mild winter so the humming birds can drink the nectar from my Golden Dew Drops' violet and white flowers. 

So this week is a very, merry spring. 

And no... you can keep your snow. I lived in Iowa before and you can still keep the snow. I live in the desert and I am happy.

Have a great one!

Afternoon Naps and Other Forms of Healing

Even for adults studies have shown that naps in the afternoon are great for the body, mind, soul, and spirit. 

I now have to take daily naps. Two or three hours in addition to the twelve to sixteen I sleep daily makes for a short day. Chronic fatigue is a symptom of my MCS/EI/Mold illnesses.  

It's a tough pill to swallow even if I am allergic to most pharmaceuticals.  I like when I have the energy to get something done. Often, I have to budget my time and make command decisions on what can and cannot be done in a day. 

Some chores get sacrificed for others. Dishes... I hate dishes especially since my hands are dry, cracked, and bleeding most of the time. My body cannot keep oil in itself so water and soap make a bad situation even worse. Laundry is pretty simple. Vacuuming once a week. Dusting is whenever.

Since I require a lot of fresh air from open windows, dust accumulates. Welcome to the desert! So dusting is not a task I put much stock into. It gets done when it gets done. 

When my windows are not open, I must rely on my air cleaners. That is: heavy duty air cleaners. These cleaners run all day and night, windows opened or closed plus I have a MERV 12 air filter in my heatpump unit. 

It is not my lungs per se; it is my liver. The mold and mercury inside my body hiding in organs and other tissues as well as in bonded molecular components eats up my sulfur, antioxidants, and methyl groups. I must also eat protein all day in order to assist my liver in maintaining some type of control (and we haven't even covered the renal damage from black mold found in my kidneys). 

Without my liver stabilized, I am unable to breathe properly and I require oxygen supplementation. The liver does many great tasks for the body. One of which is breaking down harmful substances into non-harmful substances. When my body has to concentrate on the already high amount of toxins and biotoxins in me, my liver cannot self-regulate. So I become allergic to the air I breathe, water I drink, and food I eat. 

Scary.

For instance, a few weeks ago I had a tablespoon of buttermilk ranch and had a severe allergic reaction while I was eating a tomato. I had had ranch for months without an issue, but that night my body decided that a line had been crossed. I have no idea how or why but regular ranch dressing is okay and buttermilk ranch is not. 

Talk about frustrating. I have to wait for my body to stop reacting until I can even try a tomato again or risk a permanent allergy. Isn't chronic illness wonderful?!

Now try to explain this scenario to people who do not have these types of sudden and unclear reactions. Others try to understand but then stop because it is easier to label someone crazy, insane, or psychotic than to realize the symptoms are real and part of a larger toxic cascade happening in the body. 

I have had the experience of knowing and living with people who rather bully you, isolate you, and threaten institutionalization instead of doing the right thing. Right being: researching the issue within the community that has said medical problems, finding the best course of treatment, and following through by getting the patient to the right physician. 

Sounds simple, right? Do the right thing by another person. 

As a former caretaker of my elderly mother, I always did the right thing by the person I was taking care of. When the roles were reversed, my parental unit and siblings decided to ignore the medical issues in lieu of scare tactics. 

Because of course someone that sick cannot possibly be mentally stable. 

Truth be told: the people who neglect, abuse, and torture someone who is physically, medically, or mentally ill are not only criminals but are morally and ethically corrupt to the point beyond rehabilitation.

In order to combat the cyclical night terrors associated with being terrorized, I have discovered meditation. Guided meditations on youtube and other free websites have become routine and helpful. I am glad I found them.

Rewiring a damaged/injured brain due to lack of medical attention is essential to combating reactionary impulses in the primitive brain. Plus I have cognitive issues as well as Central Nervous System damage stemming from systematic inflammation. 

I may not be able to drive, remember much in my short term memory, or use hand-eye coordination, but I am finding new and unorthodox ways to recreate neural pathways so I may recover some of what was lost over the past five years.