Death and Other Expectations

The last 24 hours have been rough.

A friend who battled against breast cancer passed away yesterday afternoon when her tumor ruptured. What a shock.  I knew her time was near but she was not letting on about it. 

A year prior I helped translate her medical scan review. I knew what she was up against. I knew. 

We had also discussed a DNR, do not resuscitate. 

On the way to the hospital her heart stopped in the ambulance and she closed her eyes in peace. She had lost too much blood, probably from internal bleeding. She was not resuscitated.

Even though I have environmental illness, heavy metal poisoning and black mold infection, which the latter is akin to cancer, I can relate to the shock of an ill person's death. The hours wind down. You can see the failings, the set backs. You see them, but can say nothing. 

Then their impending death becomes a natural part of your landscape. Almost how yours has faded into the back of your friend's minds as well. Death will come. Death becomes an unexpected expectation. 

For some, death comes earlier than others. 

So thank you for being my friend. I will always cherish our time together arguing over politics. Who will I argue with now?

And, I will see you, when I see you.

Mysteries of the Unknown

Isn't it great when you don't know what happened to one of your blog posts? I guess the universe did not like my dance analogy. Figures.

I'm sure I will rewrite it again someday but as for today, I would like to talk about personal honor.

I found a curtain on ebay I wanted to buy but the bidding time had ended. I messaged the seller. I got a reply that for $5 the curtain was mine. I was so excited. Living on a tight budget and a curtain that would finish my living room window was such good luck! 

I responded saying send an invoice my way... then silence. I messaged again and the reply from the seller was an abrupt: the item is no longer for sale. Say, what?

Thank you for reneging on your offer. I did not make an offer to the seller; I happily accepted an offer given to me. To pull an offer without reason sounds fishy. I'm sure she got a better offer and sold the curtain at a higher price, but that is why I am talking of personal honor. 

If I had made the same deal, I would have told the next offer: sorry, it's sold. I would not have reneged on my original offer in order to get even ten times more in return. I have some insight into the mysterious of the universe: the unknown consciousness of the fabric of time and space is like Santa. It knows when you have been naughty or nice. 

That little place inside that nags at you when you've done something wrong... that's what is going to get you in the end. Even if you have learned to shut that voice out and become hardened to the world, well, the universe still hears it even if you do not.

Good luck, bad luck... how many people have you screwed over? Hmm?

What I am talking about is not religion. I'm talking about your mind, consciousness, soul, and spirit. 

If you want to change your life, have better luck, then you have to learn to not only treat others with honor but yourself as well. So pump up the volume. Listen to that little voice inside your heart that speaks to you.

You'll be amazed at what it says and how life can be good again once you open yourself up to the mysteries of the unknown. 

Have a great and wonderful day!