Death and Other Expectations

The last 24 hours have been rough.

A friend who battled against breast cancer passed away yesterday afternoon when her tumor ruptured. What a shock.  I knew her time was near but she was not letting on about it. 

A year prior I helped translate her medical scan review. I knew what she was up against. I knew. 

We had also discussed a DNR, do not resuscitate. 

On the way to the hospital her heart stopped in the ambulance and she closed her eyes in peace. She had lost too much blood, probably from internal bleeding. She was not resuscitated.

Even though I have environmental illness, heavy metal poisoning and black mold infection, which the latter is akin to cancer, I can relate to the shock of an ill person's death. The hours wind down. You can see the failings, the set backs. You see them, but can say nothing. 

Then their impending death becomes a natural part of your landscape. Almost how yours has faded into the back of your friend's minds as well. Death will come. Death becomes an unexpected expectation. 

For some, death comes earlier than others. 

So thank you for being my friend. I will always cherish our time together arguing over politics. Who will I argue with now?

And, I will see you, when I see you.

Bob Ross: Christmas Eve Snow

Bob Ross.

The name invokes paint and PBS in the memories of those who loved to watch him paint every week. He left us many, many gifts of joy on canvas. Here is one for Christmas Eve:

For the video and the article to this image: visit the VDP Gazette.

The rest of us can reimagine a world with him in it. Miss you, my friend.

Have a safe and wonderful holiday season.

Breaks and Unmatching Underwear

To the casual observer, it may look like I have my shit together. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am a free spirit. 

Sometimes I take a break in the middle of a conversation to deal with other crap for no apparent reason.  First it was my own illness. Then my estranged family thought it wise to mess with me. Now, a friend's health has got me worried.

Sometimes it is not fun to be smart. 

A friend sent me a copy of her doctor's report, blood test and CT scan. Her cancer is now everywhere. Game over. 

Even though I am not a doctor, I know what certain medical terminology means. If I have ever seen the word before or not. I get the jist.

My ability to understand may scare some people. Oh, well, I have got better things to do than worry about a party pooper. The results I read did scare me though. Scared me so much that I called a retired nurse friend to make sure I conveyed the test results correctly to my other friend. 

I knew before I called her. I knew so much I had a meltdown in my house. Good thing I live alone these days.

Now I am in the sad and unique position to tell a friend to stop. Stop her life and get her affairs in order. To have a quick bucket list and go for it. She thinks she has about six months. I don't give her that. I say more like 60 days. 

So to everyone who thinks they have time. Screw it. Live how you want to live as long as it does not harm anyone else. Take that vacation. Wear underwear that does not match your other unmentionables. 

Life is too short. 

So go live it.