Monday, December 31, 2018

Confessions in the Cold: A Writer's Thoughts for the Culmination of Another Year Past

It is December 31, 2018. 

I never in my wildest imagination believed I would still be alive. There are so many challenges to my disabling illness that one misstep and I would suffer a gruesome fate. This year I have escaped it.

My art and writing get me through some terrible times. I have been betrayed at every level one can ever feel, but a handful of people have shown me the rewards of friendship. 2018 has been the year of tremendous losses and inches of gains. The kitties help me with some of the emotional rough spots. That is why the postings have been so sporadic. 

If I don't know where my next meal is coming from, then I am unable to do much creative work. I will put together some digital art in order to keep the worry and hunger pains at bay. Yet, here I sit without a working washer and dryer as well as the heater went out at 29 degrees this morning. 

You think you have problems? 

That is why I do the support, donate campaigns. I have shirts, mugs, journals, books, chapbooks, but it seems that creativity is not enough to cover even one bill in a year. With the lowest internet service I can get without sacrificing my needs, I am out over $1000 per annum. That does not count my three domain names and GoDaddy overcharging me. 

So I sit here in the dark. All night actually. It's me and the laptop. The kitties come when they get a chill, warm up, and then go play bug hunters! That is a job the cats can keep. I don't want it! I can only afford to turn lights on when I am up and around. Well, when I can. When the joints get cold, there is no walking around. That is with the heating pad. 

I need a miracle. I need a Fairy God Mother/Father. Just send a gazillion dollar check every month. Thank you. 

But, that is not how the world works. When I teach people how the world works in my articles and research on the VDP Gazette, let's just say that I don't have many friends after that. I don't buy into the Social Justice Warrior act, so that pretty much leaves me without confidantes. 

Sorry, I just won't lie to people. 

You will see my stances here too on Undawnted because I believe in justice. Not Just Us. Not Social Justice Warrior. Justice. The justice that takes a wide lense to a situation sees all the nuts and bolts, weighs the facts and figures, and examines the human aspects. You know what we used to call: Truth, Justice, and the American way... Thanks, Superman. 

America has gotten away from Justice. Instead we have people having tantrums over topics, there is no research, no logic. Only name calling and divisiveness if you do not agree with this rose colored glasses world view. 

Half the time I read these explosive posts calling me hater, bigot, and other colorful metaphors, I am hungry in the food sense. I do not need the emotional force feeding of ego based mind control victims. Let me double over in pain in peace already. I am never going to agree with two year olds trapped in an adult body. 

It is never going to happen. 

I am a JFK/Reagan Democrat. In today's post-modern apocalypse, it means that I have been erroneously skewed into the fake news alternative right category of politics. Just put my image on a milk carton already. Missing: Liberal Democrat who believes in the Declaration of Independence, Constitution, and Bill of Rights. Or is that put me right next to an artist's rendition of the elusive Big Foot? 

I am MIA and mythical all at the same time. 

Well good. I am a student of Joseph Campbell anyway. I might as well live up to his expectations that we are all on our own version of the heroic journey. Where's my light sword again? 

But I feel more like: Hello, my name is Galahad, may I take your order?

So my stories are not about the next societal fad. No SJW tantrums here. Someone wrote of me that I am a disabled woman without any illusions. Yet, I write fiction. I guess I have the best of both worlds...

Now if I could only get my cats to open their own cans of cat food, I would be getting somewhere!

If you would like to see more of my writings in the forms of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry, then please write a comment or two on my Facebook or Minds pages, Tweet me, or Gab at me. 

Best of all, purchase something on Lulu or Zazzle regularly. If you can spare it, then a donation to my Paypal (dlmullan AT yahoo DOT com) would go a long way in helping me stay focused with a full belly or paid internet service on a monthly basis. 

People don't believe how difficult it is living on the austerity measure called Disability until you are faced with a lifetime of it.  

In the light of everything that I have been through over the last year, I am still a grateful person. I am grateful for all of my readers. I am grateful I have survived one more year. 

Help me make it through 2019... you won't be disappointed!  

Thank you so very, very much!

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